A JOKE ch.1 by Agena
"It was just a joke." she told me and he tried to back her up, but my perception of the whole episode was such that I couldn't believe her. It was so real at the time and they didn't have any way of proving it hadn't happened or that maybe that it had happened for real before. If my perception was that they did it and I couldn't believe that it was just a joke then I couldn't live with my wife of 23 years anymore. I guess I'd better tell you the story so you can understand my dilemma. Just the short version mind you.
Flo, short for Florence, was my wife. I'm Jim. We'd met in college and had married soon after graduation. We lived a normal life as husband and wife, had kids, a house and a mortgage. Flo was a stay-at- home mom until the kids started school full time and then she resumed her career in real estate. Flo is an attractive woman and I'm sure she gets hit on occasionally while on the job, but as far as I know she'd remained faithful to me and our marriage. She has a ribald sense of humor sometimes and I think that's what eventually got our marriage into trouble.
We had two children, a boy, Eric, and a girl, Patty. At the time this occurred Eric was 21 and had graduated from a vocational school after high school. He had his own apartment nearby and was working as a journeyman electrician. Patty was 19 and a sophomore at the state university about 150 miles away. With the kids away we should have been looking forward to a happy retirement down the road with time to travel and hopefully, grandchildren to dote over.
Our sex life was what I thought was normal. We had a loving relationship honed and developed over our married life. When we were first married we had sex just about every night and during the day on weekends. As time progressed we were down to two or three times a week, which was enough to take away the urge for me and I thought it was the same for Flo. Over the years I'd learned all of Flo's buttons to push to get her to orgasm and when she came she made a peculiar keening sound to announce her release. It always gave me a thrill to know that I had satisfied her and the sound of her keening was what I strived for in our love making and not achieving my own pleasure.
Just about every situation has a fly in the ointment and ours came along in the form of a new next door neighbor. Roger and his wife, Alice, moved into the house next door about five years ago and we became friends. The problem with Roger was that he was a practical joker and he loved to pull pranks on everyone he was associated with and much to my chagrin I was one of the favorite recipients for his fetish. Also, what bothered me even more was Flo's enjoyment of his pranks, especially if I was on the receiving end. I tried to tell her I didn't like his jokes or her enjoyment, even participation, but she wouldn't listen or back off.
Over a period of time I'd picked up that Roger was attracted to Flo and I think entertained thoughts about getting into her panties. Whenever we were together he and Flo laughed together at his, sometimes, raunchy jokes while Alice and I just smiled politely at their antics. When we were out in public I know that Alice was as mortified as I was at some of the things they did. I remember one at the beach Roger mooned some people in a passing boat and to my horror Flo followed suit. Alice and I were appalled at their indiscretion and chastised them to no avail as they laughed hysterically together.
It was a short while before the end that I began to suspect that things were getting out of hand. We were over at Roger and Alice's house and Alice and I were sitting in the back yard while Flo followed Roger into the house to help carry out the drinks. Alice and I talked for awhile until we realized that Flo and Roger had been gone for quite a bit of time so we went inside to look for them. When we got into the kitchen we found it empty but just as we started the looking for them they came from the family room with their arms around one another, giggling and laughing. Roger had lipstick on his collar and around his mouth while Flo's lipstick appeared smeared and her hair disheveled. Alice and I just stood there in shock with our mouths open
"Oh, hi you guys. Sorry we're slow with the drinks, but I had to show Flo my etchings." Roger told us, apparently unconcerned at their appearance. Alice and I continued to stand there, still dumfounded at their apparent brazen boldness.
"Roger has some wonderful etchings; you know the ones I mean don't you Alice?" Flo commented with a smirk.
By this time I'd gathered my wits about me and finally spoke up.
"What the hell is going on?" I asked Flo. "How come Roger's got lipstick on his face and clothes and you look like you've been doing some necking."
"Oh, that's because I was so happy to see Roger's etchings. I must have gotten carried away. Do you mind?" she asked while trying to maintain a straight face.
I was beginning to catch on as I looked at their faces. Roger had the smirk on his face he develops when he pulls one of his pranks and Flo was looking away so I couldn't see how hard she was trying to keep from laughing. I could feel my irritation mounting.
Alice wasn't tuned in yet to what was going on as she finally spoke up. "What the hell is going on Roger? If you think you're going to carry on with another woman in my house, you've got another think coming."
When Roger and Flo suddenly started to laugh uproariously I think Alice finally got the picture what was going on and she smiled sheepishly. However, I exploded at them.
"One of these days you two are going to go too far and the shit will hit the fan."
"Oh lighten up honey. Its just a joke. If you could have seen the look on your faces you would think it was funny too." Flo told me while continuing to laugh.
"C'mon you guys; let me get you a drink and we'll laugh about it together." Roger said as he headed to the kitchen with Flo behind him, still laughing.
Alice and I just shrugged our shoulders and followed after them while shaking our heads in disgust.
"One of these days Alice, they're going to go to far." I predicted again.
"One of these times one of their jokes will back fire on them and someone's going to get hurt." Alice spoke in agreement.
When we got back to our place that night I think Flo knew I was still pissed, especially about her participation in the prank.
"Honey, I'm sorry."she told me. "I just get carried away sometimes. Nothing happened. I just smeared some of my lipstick on his face and collar and mussed up my hair. We never thought you guys would ever come into the house. We were almost going to skip the whole thing when you and Alice finally showed up. Are you still mad at me? It was just a joke."
I'm trying not to be Flo, but you've got to stop getting involved in Roger's pranks. I almost had a heart attack when I saw you looking like you were making out with him. You know how I feel about faithfulness."
"I know honey. I feel the same way and would never do anything to hurt you."
"Well, please remember that."
"OK, give me a big kiss and tell me you forgive me."
A couple of weeks later we were invited back to Roger and Alice for a cook out on a Saturday evening, but just as we finished eating a call came in that Roger took for Alice. Alice worked at the local hospital as an emergency room nurse.
After he hung up the phone he turned to Alice.
"That was the emergency room. There's been a bad automobile accident and several people injured. They want you to come in right away."
"Oh shit, I'll change and get going."
Ten minutes later alice was heading to the hospital. After she was gone Roger turned to me and asked if I would help him with a project in his basement while I was there. Flo was quiet during this time and facing away from me. I didn't think anything about it at the time but later I remembered.
"Sure. "What can I do?" I asked as I stood up to follow him to the basement.
"I want you to hold something for me while I attach it to the ceiling. Its not too heavy but I can't hold it up there and attach it at the same time and Alice is too short to hold it."
"Okay, it sounds easy."
"Trust me, it is and it'll only take a minute."
When we got down stairs he took me over to a metal support post for the floor above was installed next to the furnace. He took a small metal box with a power cord dangling from it off his work bench and held it up to the ceiling between the support pipe and the furnace. I noticed that Flo had followed us downstairs and was standing watching us with a smile on her face. Again, I didn't place any significance to her being there or the strange smile.
"Now, I want you to hold this here while I attach it." Roger told me.
"What the hell is it?" I asked as I raised my arms to hold the box. Since Roger was standing between the pipe and the furnace it necessitated that I place my hands around the pipe to hold it against the basement ceiling.
"I'll show you in a minute, but first let me get my tools."
He disappeared behind me to his work bench leaving me holding up the box. Within a second or two he was back and I didn't see what he had in his hand until I heard two quick clicks as something hard and metallic gripped my wrists. Suddenly, I realized that I'd been suckered and I was handcuffed around the pipe. I turned my head in shock to look as Roger went over to Flo and put his arm around her waist as they stood looking at me.
My mind was in a turmoil but I managed to speak, "What the hell is this Roger? Get these damn handcuffs off me."
"Well buddy, you know I can't do that. Flo says she liked my etchings so much that she wants to see them again but we don't want you or Alice around to watch this time."
As he spoke he and Flo turned and preceded back up the cellar steps. Flo was undulating her hips in an exaggerated manner as she moved.
"Let me loose damn it. You're going too far this time Roger and you're going to regret it if you don't let me loose right now."
"Just be cool for a little while honey, I just want to look at some etchings." Flo said as they disappeared from view laughing and giggling.
As I struggled with the cuffs, trying to see if there was some way I could get free I realized the hopelessness of my situation. The pipe was imbedded in the concrete floor at the bottom and bolted in place against a steel I beam at the top.
Listening I could here them move into the master bedroom right above me and I heard Flo's excited giggles. Shoes dropped to the carpet above me and I heard Flo exclaim, "Oh, that's a nice big one. Bigger than Jim's."
"Hurry and get those panties and bra off Flo. I want you bad."
My rage was mounting by the minute as I continued to struggle mindlessly against the handcuffs."
"Damn Flo, you're one sexy piece. Let me slide it in you."
"Oh god, that feels good. Push it in further and fuck me hard, Roger. That's it, that's it. It feels so good."
I heard the bed beginning to creak above me and I could picture them fucking. I was cursing and swearing at the cuffs and my adulterous spouse over my head. My wrists were scraped raw and bleeding as I continued to jerk and twist against the cuffs. My mind was a maelstrom of emotion as I heard Roger grunting and Flo moaning in rhythm.
Then all was quiet above for a few minutes. I had ceased struggling and was just laying on the hard cement floor with my arms around the pipe. I felt a terrible sadness in my heart as I heard Flo exclaim finally.
Oh, that was really good Roger. I'm going to have to see your etchings again some time. I suppose we should get dressed and go down and see how Jim is doing."
"OK Flo, I need to rest a minute but Alice should be getting back soon from that false call I sent her on and I don't want her to see me in bed with you."
A few minutes later I heard footsteps on the basement stairs but didn't look up as they came over to where I lay.
"Oh shit," I heard Roger say. "Look at his wrists. They're all bloody."
"Honey, it was just a joke. Nothing happened. Oh god, I'm so sorry. Hurry up Roger, unlock the cuffs so we can get his wrists bandaged. Oh god, oh god. I never thought he'd take it this hard."
I looked up at them with tears streaming down my face as Roger fumbled with the key in the cuffs.
"Roger, you had better give Flo that key before you unlock me and then start running. When I get free I'm going to make you sorry the day you were born."
Roger looked in my face and silently handed the key to Flo. He began to move to the basement steps with a fearful look at me as Flo began to unlock. As she finally got the cuffs off I heard Roger's truck start and the screech of tires as he took off.
Standing, I looked down at Flo still squatting on the floor and she had a look of fear on her face.
"Woman, you'd better find another place to sleep tonight or I might do you serious physical harm and you'd better call before you attempt to come home."
Tears were streaming down her face now as she began to realize the enormity of the hurt she had caused me.
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry. It was just a joke. We didn't do anything."
"Flo, I never want to hear that nonsense about it being a joke again. As far as I'm concerned my perception is the you did it and that's all that counts now. From here on we will proceed as though you committed adultery and cuckolded me. You can expect to hear from my lawyer in a few days. We're through." I exclaimed as I turned and headed up the stairs.
"No Jim, please, nothing happened, nothing happened." she wailed at me from the basement floor. "What'll I tell the kids?"
I didn't respond as I headed out the front door. Just as I was getting in my car a very mad Alice swung into their driveway.
"Where the hell is that shit-for-brains husband of mine? There was no accident and I wasn't needed at the ER." she cried as she got out of the car. Suddenly she noticed my wrists.
"What happened Jim? Good god, look at your wrists. Let me get them bandaged for you."
"Roger and Flo pulled another joke Alice. This time they went to far and I'm divorcing Flo."
"Good god, what did they do?"
"You can hear it from Flo and Roger. I'm heading home and I'll do my own bandaging when I get there. You can tell my slut ex-wife she'll find her clothes and things on the front porch. If she wants to get in our house again she'd better have a court order."
"Oh god, what did they do? What did they do?" A distraught Alice cried out as she hurried into the house.
I got in my car and headed home, still seething inside. When I got home I carefully washed my wrists with antibacterial soap, applied an antibiotic salve and bandaged them as best as I could. Then I methodically began to bag Flo's cloths, makeup and other personal items in plastic, yard bags and put it out on the front porch. The phone was ringing as I worked but I refused to answer it or even to check caller ID.
When I finished I locked up, undressed and lay on the bed. Even though I was emotionally and physically tired I couldn't get to sleep for a long time. When I awoke in the morning the phone was ringing again, but I refused to acknowledge it. I got up, showered and had breakfast. Then replaced my wrist bandages.
About ten o'clock the doorbell rang and I looked out to see Alice standing at the door. Opening it I motioned her inside.
"Well, they really did it this time, didn't they?" she said as she entered.
"I'm afraid so."
"What are you going to do?"
"Just like I told her; I'm divorcing her."
"But they say nothing happened, it was just one of their jokes. Flo desperately wants to talk with you."
"My perception is that they did it and as far as I'm concerned that's reality. I'll be making an appointment with a divorce lawyer first thing Monday morning." I calmly told her.
"You're really mad aren't you? Can't you wait until you cool down before you do anything so drastic. You have almost 24 years invested in one another. Do you want to give that up without trying to make an attempt to salvage something?"
"I won't be cuckolded. I told Flo that many times and as far as I'm concerned she cuckolded me and now its over."
"But, they claim nothing happened. They just made noises as though it did happen."
I don't know it didn't happen. We're just taking their word for it. Everything was in place so that it could happen and they have no way of proving it didn't happen. So, I have to go with my perception that it did happen. She totally disrespected me." "Can't you let it ride and go to counseling? Flo is a basket case over this."
"I warned her the last time about doing this kind of thing and she didn't listen. I'm done talking. We'll just let the lawyers work it out. If you're happy with Roger's part in this then you can go on living with him but count me out. Just tell Roger he'd better make sure he stays a long way from me in the future."
"I haven't decided what to do about Roger yet, but I really hate to see you guys break up over this. Roger is very contrite about the whole thing and wants me to give you his sincere apologies."
"Make sure he understands our friendship is over. As much as I'd like to stay friends with you, Alice, I think it would be better we not meet again as long as you stay with him."
Is there anything I can tell Flo that might give her some hope that you will forgive her."
"If she can prove to me that she didn't have sex with Roger, I'll consider it and I'm not taking Roger's word or hers that nothing happened and it was just a joke. I perceive it happened and therefore it happened."
"OK Jim, I'll tell her. I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too Alice. Now let me load her stuff in your car and you can take them to her. I assume she's still at your place."
"She's moving over to her sister's place this afternoon."
Her sister lived on the other side of town. She was a widow and lived alone so there would be room for Flo, probably indefinitely.
After loading the bags of Flo's stuff in Alice's car I waved as she left then went back in the house.
The first thing I did was to go and look up the number for a locksmith to have the locks changed on the house. I suddenly realized that if he left to go to work on Monday and Flo returned to the house and changed the locks I'd be out in the cold. I made arrangements to have the locks changed that afternoon and then pulled the plug on the phone and left my s cell turned off..
I spent the day doing jobs around the house until the locksmith came. After he left I got in my car and headed to the local supermarket where I picked up a selection of frozen dinners to carry me for a week or so then went back to my lonely house. I really missed Flo after almost 24 years together, but I couldn't get over my anger at her and what she and Roger had done to me.
That evening about 7:30 I was watching TV when the door bell rang. Looking out the window I saw Flo's sister, Mary, standing at the front door.
"Hi Mary." was my greeting as I opened the door to let her in.
"Hello Jim. Can I take a few minutes of your time?"
"Sure Mary, I don't have an argument with you. Come in."
We went into the living room and she sat down and I sat in a chair and I asked if she'd like something to drink.
"A Coke would be fine."
I got her one and one for myself and returned to the living room.
"I suppose you know what this is about." she said after taking a sip of her drink.
"Yes. Are you going to be asking me to take her back? If you are you've made a trip for nothing."
"No, she told me all about it. How are your wrists?"
"They're scabbing over now and should be OK. I don't see any sign of infection."
"Flo will be glad to hear that. She's just about ready for a nervous breakdown you know; especially since you won't talk to her and that's why I'm here. To carry a message. Rather, more than one message."
"I'll listen to your messages but I don't promise anything in return."
"The first is that she loves you very much and is so sorry for what she did."
"OK, anything else?"
"She wants you to know that she is willing to take a lie detector test to prove that she isn't lying when she says nothing happened with Roger or ever has with Roger or anyone else. That is the only proof she can offer you."
This was a new wrinkle I hadn't thought of and I gave it a few minutes thought as Mary watched me intently while continuing to sip her Coke.
"That sounds OK to me but I want to place some conditions on it. One, results proving she didn't have sex with Roger doesn't mean I will take her back. Two, Roger will have to take the same test and the results of his test will have to agree with hers. Three, I want approval on who administers the tests and the questions and four, I will not pay for the tests."
"That sounds reasonable to me Jim, but can't you be more positive about taking her back if the test results show they aren't lying?"
"No, she hurt me deeply and even if I took her back it will be a long time before I forgive her."
"Alright Jim. I'll give her your conditions. I'm really sorry about this. I wanted to tear into her for her stupidity when she showed up at my place this afternoon, but she was such a pathetic sight that I don't believe anything I could say would make her feel any worse. She knows that she has done a very stupid thing and has also done you a terrible wrong. I'll have to give her some pills to get her to sleep tonight. I also want to tell you that she called your kids and told them what she did. I think they were a little put out at her as she hasn't stopped crying since she talked with them. Well, I'd better get back and give your message. Thanks for the Coke."
"OK Mary. Thanks for coming all the way over here. I appreciate your concern."
After she left I sat down to think about the situation. Some of my initial ire had cooled and I was now able to think clearer about what I wanted. I decided to get a drink first and went into the den, where my liquor cabinet was, and poured a tumbler half full with scotch and then went to the kitchen to add an ice cube. Without returning to my seat I wandered about the house looking at all the things that were memories of our married life together. Did I really want to end this? I was awakened from my reverie and reminiscing by the door bell ringing. Checking out the window I saw our daughter, Patty, standing at the front door looking decidedly unhappy.
Oh, oh I thought. She's just found the locks have been changed and her key didn't work. Opening the door Patty immediately came inside giving me a dirty look.
"What's with the locks dad and why aren't you answering your phone. I had to drive here 150 miles to find out what's going on."
"I'm sorry Patty, I didn't want to talk with your mother. I hear from your aunt Mary that she told you what she did."
"Yes, and I'm really mad at you for throwing her out just because of a joke. Can't you forgive her and let her come home? When she called me to let me know what she did she was a basket case. .
"Patty, it was more than just a joke and I'd warned her before that I didn't like the way she and our friend Roger were carrying on with their jokes, but she didn't listen."
"I couldn't get too much out of mom over the phone but I understand it was just a joke. What was so bad about it?"
I went on to relate what had happened. I started out by telling her about the necking joke they had pulled earlier and our discussions afterward. Then I told her about the fucking joke and pulled up my sleeves and showed her my wrists.
"Oh daddy, that's terrible. Was that when you threw her out?"
"Yes, they may have had intercourse. It sure sounded like they did, because I know the sounds your mother makes when she has an orgasm. Either that or they're very good actors. I perceive that they did and that's my reality until she can prove differently."
"I've asked your mother to take a lie detector test and to have Roger take one. If the test results agree I'll have to believe her, but she hurt me so badly that she thought I would have a big laugh and accept being a pseudo wimp, cuckold over their so-called joke. I still may be unable to live with her again."
"I'm real sorry about all this daddy. I hope you and mom can work this because I love you both in spite of what she did."
"I'm trying to accomplish that baby because I really miss your mother, but I still can't get over her disrespect for me."
"OK daddy, I guess I can't ask more than you try to get back with her. I'm going over to see mom now that I know what happened and see if I can get her calmed down. I'll probably spend the night at aunt Mary's and then I have to get back to school tomorrow. Please turn your phones back on so I can get a hold of you and I know Eric wants to talk with you too. I'll call him and let him know what this is all about. He's on that job upstate and has been trying to reach you after mom called him."
"OK baby, I'll turn to the phones back on as soon as you leave. Give me a hug."
I took her in my arms and held her close. She was so much like her mother it was frightening sometimes and I loved her very much. She'd always been my baby.
"Bye daddy." she told me as she went out the door to her car. I waved as she pulled of the driveway and headed up the street. Then I returned to my lonely drink after turning the phones back on..
