LET'S ZOOM by The Style Guy
And ambushed her cheating ass!
"Chris! What are you doing home?" Angela, my wife of twenty-eight years asked.
She had just stepped through the garage door and saw me sitting at our kitchen table, less than ten feet away. Her body was partially blocking the tall, younger man who was following her into our home.
As always, Angela is beautiful. She is a striking 5'9" and a healthy 145 lbs. Her auburn hair is cut over her shoulders. She always dresses professionally for work. Today she's wearing a white blouse. I noticed that she had an extra button undone and the cleavage between her spectacular 38D cup breasts was mouthwatering. Her black linen skirt highlighted her world class legs and the three inch heels made the delicious cheeks of her ass fill out the back of the skirt to perfection.
I briefly considered Angie's idiotic question and responded just as stupidly, "I live here."
The quick flash of irritation, that had been increasingly prevalent over the last few weeks surfaced when she spit out, "Of course you live here! What I want to know is why you are home at 3:30 in the afternoon?"
I jokingly tell anyone who will listen, that I had loved Angela since we first met. I had an appointment with four of the top people in her company and Angela was their administrative assistant. She met me in the lobby and escorted me to the senior suite of offices for my meetings. Four hours later, when she walked me back to the lobby; I took a chance and asked her out for dinner. The rest, as they say, is history.
By now, Angie's gentleman friend had scooted around her and was standing at her side. I was half expecting him to smirk, but his very intelligent eyes were showing signs of concern. From the start, things weren't going as planned.
"I guess I could ask you the same question, Angie. What are you doing home an hour and a half early?"
Angela and I have been joined at the hip since our first date. I'm proud to say that I have devoted every ounce of energy to her and our family. I worked hard and built a small, but very successful insurance brokerage firm.
With the help of her employer, Angela went to college and in six years earned a bachelor degree. She moved from a support position and into Human Resources. Eventually, she headed HR in the company's Hartford, Connecticut office.
I had loved Angela unconditionally for almost three decades.
As I sat, looking at the monster she had become over the last number of weeks, I willed myself to be calm. I wanted to break her, just as effectively as she broke me, when I discovered she was a lying, cheating slut.
When I gave Angie my signature crooked grin, she responded, "We came home early to talk with you."
"We?" I asked, while looking Angie directly in the eye.
Ass-wipe took the opportunity to introduce himself. He stepped forward, held out his hand and confidently said, "Mr. Harrington ... Chris ... I'm Michael Browner. I'm the new attorney at Kellerman and Son's and I've been working closely with Ang for the last couple of months."
While continuing to stare Angie down, I ignored his offered hand. I clenched in the primal instinct to jump up, wrap my hands around his worthless neck and squeeze until his eyes popped from his skull. Instead, I growled, "I know exactly who ... and what you are."
For the first time, I saw signs of concern in my wife and then she cringed when I followed up with, "Ang? You threatened to cut the balls off the last person who called you Ang. Why are you putting up with such disrespect, in your own home, from this pile of shit?" I was pointing toward Asswipe.
Angie looked worried and confused. By habit, she is a very careful planner. I was certain that she and Asswipe had planned for every possible contingency for this talk. In her mind, every (i) was dotted and every (t) was crossed. I was already, in her mind, a compliant cuckold.
A quick glance toward Asswipe made me smile. I was fairly certain that his sphincter muscle was tightening and would soon be clenched in a knot, as tight as my sphincter. A shit-show was coming and it would be worlds different from anything that Angie and her boy toy could imagine.
I took two or three deep cleansing breaths and tried to push the rage and disgust that had been growing into a quiet corner of my heart. "Let's get on with this," I thought to myself. "It's time to throw them off stride again."
"Why don't I make three drinks," I offered. "We can talk in the living room."
"A glass of wine, please," was Angie's subdued request.
When I turned to Asswipe, he seemed wary. He responded to my offer by saying, "Angela tells me that you enjoy bourbon and craft beer."
I nodded and told him, "I do" as I got up from the kitchen table and headed to the bar in our family room. As I left the room, I heard immediate and urgent whispering as they moved in the opposite direction, through the kitchen to the living room.
A few minutes later, I met them in the living room. They were seated together on the sofa. I handed Angie a glass of her favorite Merlot and Asswipe a tulip glass full of Amber Ale.
I took my two inches of bourbon and sat in the arm chair across from them. After raising my glass in salute, I took a small sip of the burning liquid.
After returning the toast, Asswipe took a sip of beer. He held the glass in front of him and seemed to study the color and carbonation. He commented, "This is one of the most complex Amber Ales I've ever had. What is it?"
"Pabst Blue Ribbon," I answered.
Asswipe's eyes flared with anger and Angie looked confused and offered, "You've said that Pabst Blue Ribbon is worse than donkey urine and the crappiest beer ever made."
She was half way through her comment when she saw me laughing. She exploded, "You're such an asshole! We came home to have a calm talk with you and you've been nothing but rude and condescending!"
I smiled and questioned, "I'm an asshole, rude and condescending? I guess we really need to start your talk. I'm sure that I'm about to learn how to have a polite, uplifting and loving conversation from my ever-faithful wife."
Angie cringed and wasn't able to meet my eyes. Asswipe took over and began, "Chris, we've come here to discuss ..."
I interrupted and said to him, "You had it right the first time."
"Excuse me?" He looked confused, as Asswipes often do.
"When you first addressed me, you called me Mr. Harrington, before presumptuously calling me Chris. I greatly prefer ... in fact, I insist ... you call me Mr. Harrington." As his face started to turn red, I finished with a shrug and said, "Or Sir!"
Instead of letting Asswipe continue, I turned to Angie and heatedly asked, "What do you want to talk about?"
When Asswipe looked like he was going to respond, I said, "I'm talking to my wife asshole. Just sit there, drink your complex Amber donkey piss and shut the fuck up."
Angie was livid and exploded, "Your behavior this afternoon has been disgusting. I want it to stop now!"
I nodded and seemed to think about her request. I asked, "Do you think my behavior is better or worse than your behavior over the last five or six weeks?"
"What are you talking about?" Angie was half confused and half worried.
Asswipe seemed to be holding his breath as he waited for my answer. I'll guess he was certain that their carefully crafted plan had gone off the tracks.
Looking Angie straight in the eye, I told her, “I don't know what pisses me off more. The fact that you let him do things to you that belonged only to me, or the fact that you treat me like an idiot.”
The stunned look on Angela's face was priceless. Her eyes narrowed and in a hushed voice she asked the obvious, "You know?"
"It seems like I have more friends at your office than you do. I received an anonymous email from someone at Kellerman's two weeks ago. The email warned that you were having an affair and had three attachments that showed you on a picnic lunch at Middlewoods Park. The pictures were complete with hand holding and kissing"
"I'm sorry that you had to find out that way." Angela was trying to decide how to continue, when I jumped in and asked, "So you want a divorce?"
"No!" She slid to the edge of the couch, leaned forward, rested her elbows on her knees and passionately said, "I love you and don't want a divorce. What Michael and I are having is a short term fling. He's new to Connecticut and hasn't made many friends. Once he's settled, I'm sure he'll find a regular girlfriend."
"I'm sorry, but that doesn't work for me. I signed up for a monogamous relationship with a loving wife. Instead, I've found out that the woman I've devoted my life to is a slut and cum dump. A divorce works much better for my future plans."
Angela begged, "Chris! Just stop. I don't want a divorce and I don't think you do either. This is a one-time fling and nothing more. I'm attracted to Michael and I wanted a little extra excitement in my life. It's never happened before, it will be over soon and will never happen again. I promise!"
I took a small sip of my bourbon and sat quietly for a few moments before responding, "First, your promises have no meaning. Everyone in this room knows you're a liar." Angela was about to erupt, when I talked over her and said, "And second, why would I ever believe this is your first affair. For all I know, it's your fifty-first."
"Please! You need to stop and think! We've worked together to build our family and now that Kelly is married and thinking about starting her own family, we can slow down and plan for a wonderful retirement in a few years. My fling with Michael will be long over and forgotten"
I got up and without asking if anyone wanted another drink, walked to the den and refilled my glass. I was confident that my poor manners were not lost on the two idiots in the living room.
They were huddled together and whispering, when I returned.
"May I say a few things Mr. Harrington?" Asswipe asked.
"The floor is yours," I was my disgusted reply.
He gathered his thoughts before saying, "Angela is right. Our relationship is just a short term fling. I regret that I led a married woman into an affair. I've never done that before. But we hit it off. As you know she is a spectacular woman.
"Your threat of divorce, while understandable in the heat of the moment, will prove unwise over the long-term. You've invested decades together. Don't throw it away.
"Angela was initially worried that the prenuptial agreement her father had you both sign would cause her to lose many of her assets in a divorce, if we were caught. I can assure you, as a lawyer, that a nearly thirty year old agreement can easily be overturned. Laws change. Legal wording becomes outdated. Any competent attorney will have the document laughed out of court.
"But even more important than that, you need iron clad proof of infidelity. Other than some mild, innocent public flirting that some of our associates may have seen, I'm confident you don't have the evidence necessary to enforce the agreement."
I wondered, as he finished his brilliant legal summation, how my wife had become so stupid.
Turning to Angela, I wondered, "I can't understand why you would take legal advice from a corporate attorney who graduated in the bottom quarter of his class from Texas Southern University Law School. Texas Southern is ranked as one of the top ten worst Law Schools in the country, year in and year out."
"How did you know ...?"
Asswipe didn't finish as I answered, "One of my many mottos is 'Know Thy Enemy.'"
I continued, as I turned my attention back to Angela, "What's your plan moving forward, Angie?"
She took a few moments to think things through before she told me, "Michael and I are going to spend the weekend together. I'll be staying at his apartment tonight and in the morning we are leaving for New York City. We'll stay in the city tomorrow and Saturday night and I'll be home on Sunday."
Even though I knew their exact plans, the sheer audacity of my cunt wife's statement tore my heart from my chest.
I hoped she could see the crushing sadness in my eyes as I asked, "So not only have you shared your slut body with this piece of crap, you're also going to share our quarterly get-away-weekend with him? We've gone to New York City four times a year, every year since we've been married. Memories of all the spectacular sites we've seen together, the award winning Broadway plays, the concerts and sporting events. You've smashed all of the thousands of heartwarming memories. I don't know what's happened Angie, but you've become as big a pile of shit as this asshole." I was obviously indicating Asswipe.
Angela could tell I was devastated and responded accordingly. I didn't hear a single word she said, as the voices in my head were screaming, "End it! Fucking End It Now!"
Looking over at a very concerned Asswipe, I asked, "Is your wife OK with you fucking my wife?"
"Christopher! Stop! Michael is a widower. His wife died several years ago. He would never cheat on his wife."
Even Asswipe had the decency to cringe at my wife's last statement. I smirked and said to Angela, "Unlike you!"
I continued immediately and asked, "Is that true? You're widowed?"
He quickly looked back and forth between Angie and me and hesitantly said, "Yes."
I reached down and pulled a manila folder from the backpack sitting on the floor next to my chair. I opened the folder, scanned the first page and read, "Dr. Cynthia Browner, Emergency Department Surgeon, Ascension Saint John's Hospital, Detroit, Husband Michael, Daughters Katie (11) and Lacy (9). Dr. Browner has resigned for her current position effective June 22nd and will be moving to the Hartford, CT area to join her husband, immediately after her children get out of school. She will be working in a similar position at Saint Francis Hospital and Medical Center in Hartford."
If I wasn't so grossly unhappy about my marriage, I would have laughed hysterically at the look on Angela's face.
"You lied to me?" She wanted to know.
I couldn't help it. I did laugh. "Can you imagine?" I bellowed. "A cheat and a liar, lies to a cheat and a liar. What's this world coming to?"
Michael reached out and cupped Angela's hand. Just before I could shout, "Get your fucking hands off my wife," I realized I just didn't care.
"Ang Baby. I'm sorry. I did lie. I couldn't help it. You are so sexy and beautiful. I wanted you and needed you and I lied, so I could have you." He stood, while still holding her hand. "Let's go back to my place and talk. We'll go to New York tomorrow and have a great weekend. When we get back, we'll still have three weeks until my family arrives. At that point, you can be a full time wife and I'll be a full time husband and father."
Angela considered her options for a few moments, before standing. She took Asswipe's hand and turned toward me.
"After this weekend, I promise to give up Michael completely. I'll come home on Sunday and I'll be the same loving wife I've always been."
Angie and I stared at each other for a while. I wondered if she could hear my already crushed heart continuing to break.
"I've sat here somewhat politely, while you both had the opportunity to tell me about your fling and how, in the long term, it won't affect my relationship with Angie. I'd like to ask that you both sit down and give me a similar thirty minutes of time to lay out the changes I see happening.
They looked back and forth between each other and me, trying to silently decide what to do. I pushed the issue and said, "The least you can do is give me thirty minutes of your time."
Reluctantly they sat.
"I've set up several Zoom meetings for us," I told them as I pointed the remote at the TV and pressed a few buttons. I'd become an expert at arranging Zoom online meetings during the Covid 19 pandemic.
When the TV lit up, I said, "Peter ... Lou... can you hear me?" I was talking to the two faces on the screen.
"We can Chris," Peter answered.
I continued, "Angie, you obviously know our family attorney Peter. I'd like to introduce you to his partner and my new divorce attorney, Lou Baird. Gentlemen, I'd like to also introduce you to corporate attorney extraordinaire, Michael Browner."
Angie and Asswipe were stunned, as I finished with, "Gentlemen, you have the floor."
Lou immediately started, in a no-nonsense manner, "Mrs. Harrington, I am representing your husband in your upcoming divorce. Papers were filed with the court earlier this afternoon. I'd greatly appreciate it if you would retain an attorney and make arrangements to officially be served. I'll give you until the end of the day on Monday. If I haven't heard from your attorney, we will hire a process server.
"We have filed for divorce using infidelity as the cause. We have a private investigators report that documents in great detail, using audio, visual and telecommunication proof, your sexual affair with Mr. Browner."
As Lou was finishing his last statement, I tossed a second manila folder onto the coffee table in front of Angie. The loud slap made both assholes jump.
"It's a copy of our divorce petition, including the PI report," I told the stunned couple.
While Asswipe reached for the folder, Angie looked back to the screen.
"We will be insisting that the prenuptial agreement is fully enforced. I know that you are aware that every two years all of your family's business and personal legal matters are reviewed. As part of that review, the prenuptial agreement has been revised so as to stay within the current state legal guidelines. As we have your signed and notarized signature for every update over the last twenty-eight years, I am 100% confident that the prenuptial agreement is fully enforceable.
"Per a vote last night, by the Board of Directors of Harrington Brokerage, you are relieved of all corporate responsibilities and you are no longer associated with Mr. Harrington's firm in any way. You will have seven days to return your car to the company. Your company credit cards have been paid-off and cancelled. Your cell phone will be cancelled in seven days. Your membership to Cedar Mountain Country Club and LA Fitness are cancelled.
"We have also paid-off and cancelled the three joint credit cards you have shared with my client. We have frozen your joint savings, checking and retirement funds. Per the prenuptial agreement, we expect an eighty/twenty split of the cash and near-cash assets in Mr. Harrington's favor.
"Per the agreement, Mr. Harrington will retain your house free and clear. We have asked the court to expedite your eviction. As you have a home that you have been sharing on occasion with Mr. Browner, we will argue that it is easier for you to move. We are asking the court to give Mr. Harrington full possession of the property immediately and give you thirty days to remove your personal property from the house.
"There will be no alimony and obviously child support isn't relevant.
"There are many smaller claims that my client has made. Your attorney can explain them to you.
"Chris? Have I missed anything?"
"You've hit all the highlights Lou. Thanks." The TV screen immediately went to black.
Just as quickly, Angie jumped to her feet and screamed, "Wait!" She looked at me and said, "Get them back. I have questions!"
I laughed and said, "That's not how it works Angie. You'll need to hire your own lawyer to get your answers."
"You mother fucker!" Angie growled. "I'm going to fucking destroy you!"
With a smirk, I looked at her partner in crime and asked, "Hey Asswipe! What does your near-genius legal mind tell you is the over/under on this cunt destroying me in the divorce?"
His silence had Angela sink back into the couch and curl in around herself.
I'll guess my smile was ear to ear. I simply held up the TV remote and waved it at her, before pointing it at the TV.
As the second Zoom meeting started, I said, "Jake. Can you hear me?"
"Hi Chris. I've got a conference call that I need to jump on, so this will be quick. Browner! You are fired, effective immediately. Your personal items are being removed from your office and will be in a box in the lobby. If they aren't claimed within twenty four hours, they will be thrown out. You will not be receiving a recommendation.
"Angela." I could hear her boss slow down and sigh. I looked over at Angie and saw her shaking. She was scared to death. "I can't tell you how disappointed I am. Your behavior as a senior member of my staff is inexcusable.
"That being said, twenty-nine years of exemplary service must be taken into account. Your position in Hartford has been eliminated. I'm offering you the same position at our facility in Albany, NY. You have a week to decide if you'll take the transfer and thirty days to move to
Albany"
The screen went blank again as Angie cried into her hands and Asswipe slouched back into the couch.
I was purposely smirking at Asswipe. When he saw me, his rage started to build. He was younger, bigger and I'll guess stronger. Unfortunately for him, he was as stupid as a bag of rocks.
As Asswipe was ready to explode, I once again waved the remote, pointed it toward the TV and pressed a button.
The screen lit up and I asked, "Dr. Browner? Can you hear me?"
Asswipe and Angie sat in stunned silence. They were white as ghosts and their mouths were hanging open.
The face of a beautiful blonde filled the screen. She said, "I've asked you to call me Cynthia."
"Sorry Cynthia. The floor is yours."
"Michael, I've filed for divorce. Expect to be served over the next few days. The kids and I will remain in Michigan. I've been able to keep my current position at the hospital."
Asswipe begged, "Cynthia, please! We can work this out. It was just a fling."
The face on the screen looked disgusted. “I've been doing some checking since Chris contacted me. This is the third job you have lost because you could not resist the lust and desire of other women. After I received the private investigator's report, I contacted him and asked him to continue the excavation."
Everyone was staring intently at the screen, when Cynthia continued, "Mrs. Harrington, do you know Alice Packer? Joy Likely? Tori Jones? Candy Phillips?"
When Angie didn't answer, Cynthia laughed and said, "I really don't expect an answer. The question was rhetorical. I know they are all associates of yours. Did you know Michael had flings with each of them? Can you imagine? You were just one of his many whores.
"Tell me where to send your crap, Michael. You're not welcome at my house."
When the screen faded to black again, Asswipe yelled, "I'm going to kill you, asshole."
He struggled to his feet, as I slipped my Colt .45 from between the chair cushion and pointed the monster at him. Asswipe looked like he was going to vomit, which was exactly the look I wanted.
"You've got two choices, Asswipe. You can leave or you can sit down and shut the fuck up. I don't care what you do, but if you come at me, I'm going to shoot your left ball off."
I'm not sure if I was completely happy that he sat back down, but was grateful that I'd be able to have my last planned Zoom meeting.
I looked over at Angie. She was pale, her cheeks were streaked with tears and mascara was smudged around her eyes. She looked awful.
"I've been seeing a counselor for the last two weeks."
Angie groaned and cried into her hands.
"It's kind of funny. You cheat, lie and share your cunt with this asshole and I'm the one that needs a mental health expert." I laughed and said, "How fucked up is that?"
A few moments later, I told Angela, "After I told Dr. Waters our story, she asked me a question that's helped me a great deal. She asked, "Do you understand the old saying, 'love is blind?' When she asked the question, it was like a light going on in a dark room."
"I loved you so much that I would have never known you were a cheating slut, if not for the anonymous email. My love was so strong that it overlooked your warts. Hell, in my eyes, you didn't have warts. I hope you know, you'll never find anyone who will love you as much as I did."
Angie continued to cry and rock back and forth on the couch.
"I'm going to continue seeing Dr. Waters. I think it's important to have someone to trust with your innermost thoughts and feelings, especially after such a devastating event.
"I would have never imagined it was possible for someone I loved so much could humiliate and disrespect me to such a degree. But the good news is, I'll get over the hurt and humiliation, just like I will get over you.
"I told Dr. Waters about my plan for today. She isn't a big fan of revenge, but thought the first three Zoom meetings were OK. She thought that you deserved some payback. She did try to talk me out of our next Zoom meeting. She thought that the pain it would cause me, might take me back a few steps in my personal recovery. I've thought about it and will admit that Dr. Wilson is probably right. The next Zoom meeting is going to do me more harm than good.
"But I don't care. This next meeting will hurt me, but it will cripple you."
As I held up the remote for the fourth time and waved it at Angie, she shrunk back into the couch in a panic.
I pointed it at the TV and pushed the button. All eyes were riveted to the screen and when the face appeared, Angie groaned, "Oh no! OH NO! Please God, Oh NO!"
"I love you Daddy," said my daughter Kelly.
"I love you too, sweetheart."
"Why?" Angie shrieked. "How could you possibly be this awful to me?"
"I heard it all Mom. I've heard every word you and your asshole boyfriend have said over the last hour. I've heard what you've done and what you planned to do. You disgust me Mom!"
"Sweetheart! Please! This is a very complicated situation. You're too young to understand."
It took Angela's breath away when Kelly responded, "Fuck you Mom! I'm a twenty-six years old, a happily married woman. Your situation isn't complicated. It's grotesque on one hand and pitiful on the other. I don't know what's changed, but you are selfish and totally self-absorbed."
Angela was breathing deeply, as she begged, "Kelly! Baby! I've been so lonely since you moved away. It was like I was living in a fog, I missed you so much."
Kelly's face on the screen looked perplexed. "So what you're saying Mom is that it's my fault you've become a liar, cheat and slut, crushed Dad and are going to get divorced."
"No! That's not what I'm saying and you know it."
"It doesn't matter Mom. I think we all need a break from you."
"Kelly!" Angela shouted. "I'll come to Boston this weekend and we can talk. I'm so sorry this has happened. I need to be with my baby girl!"
"That's not going to work Mom ... for two reasons. First, you'll be in New York, fucking your worthless, unemployed, newly divorced boyfriend."
"I'm not going to New York," Angela insisted.
"And second, Scott and I have planned a small private celebration for our closest family and friends. We've rented a venue closer to Cape Cod."
"Baby? Oh Baby! What are you celebrating?"
"Since you aren't invited, I'll tell you. I'm three months pregnant and will be having a baby girl in February."
"Kelly Ann! I'm your mother and I insist that you invite me."
"That's not going to happen, Mom. I want my special party to be filled with love and happiness and not the lying, cheating and disrespect that is consuming so much of your current life. Goodbye Mom."
For the fourth time, the screen went blank.
As Angela sat and cried, I got to my feet and tucked my pistol into the back of my pants. "I'm going out for dinner and will be back in two hours." Looking at Angela, I said, "Please pack clothes and other essentials. You won't be allowed back into the house until the court responds to my divorce petition. I'm told that will take a week."
Looking at Asswipe, I said, "You've seen what I am capable of doing. I'm giving you three days to move out of the State. If you are still here on Monday, I'll have you crippled in a much more literal sense."
After pulling open the front door, I looked back at the utterly defeated cheaters and said, "Enjoy your weekend in New York. It's supposed to be beautiful both days."
