IT'S BEEN A TOUGH YEAR by laptopwriter
I'll admit it'd been a tough year; not just for Lori, my wife, but all of us.
For sixteen years, I'd worked for Van's Screw and Nut. We made custom fasteners for manufacturers. When a company builds a product they can't just go to the local hardware store to buy screws, everything has to be made to their specifications.
I started out in sales and worked my way up to sales manager. It was a great job and paid very well. If I met all four of my quarterly quotas, which I always did, my year-end bonus would put me well over the hundred-thousand dollar hump. Of course with so many manufacturers going overseas, we had to fight harder to maintain our share of the market but I had built a good, hardworking sales team and we always managed to do better than the year before.
A little over a year ago, all the company big wigs, including me, were called into an unscheduled meeting. We were all very shocked to find out the company's owner was retiring and had been in secret negotiations with a California conglomerate to buy the company. We'd been sold!
The new CEO was introduced and we were all promised our jobs were secure and nothing would change as far as management was concerned. That turned out to be a lie. Within two months, heads started to roll. I saw the handwriting on the wall and started looking for a new job but my time came before I had landed anything. With a pat on the back and a severance check for ten grand in my hand, they led me right out the door.
At first Lori and I weren't too worried, but as the months passed I was starting to realize how the economy had changed during the years I had my cushy job. Not only had a lot of the manufacturing gone overseas, but a number of the domestic firms that were left were buying their fasteners from overseas. I wondered how we stayed as strong as we did, but that was no longer my concern. I had to get a job.
During this time, Lance, our seventeen year old son, was graduating high school. I had mixed emotions when he announced he was joining the military right after commencement. With everything going on in the Middle East, I was afraid for his safety, and of course we both were going to miss him something terrible. On the other hand I was glad we didn't have to pay for college, because frankly, we just didn't have it.
About five months after being let go, it became clear that finding another hundred-thousand dollar job was not going to be easy, so I started setting my sights a little lower. To fill in, what I was sure was a temporary financial gap, Lori started to look for something too. She actually found employment before I did. She was hired as a low level secretary for a software company. It didn't pay much but it was still more than my unemployment check.
A month after Lori started work, I took a sales position with Enright Automotive. They made after-market car parts. For the first couple months I made a token salary while in training. After that I was put on salary plus commission. It was never going to be a high paying job. One guy had been with them for twelve years and was the highest paid salesman there...he made all of sixty K a year.
You can imagine the strain on our budget. We had gotten used to all the financial trappings of a well-to-do family. We lived in a nice house with a sizable mortgage and had two Cadillacs; only one of which was paid for. That was mine. It was a five year old CTS. Lori drove the same model but we bought hers just a few months before I got laid off. We also had several credit cards, most of which were already maxed out.
Lori and I both missed our evenings out on the town, as well. It was another perk; after-all, if you can't enjoy yourself what's the sense of having money. We used to go out all the time; dinner with friends, sometimes dancing, other times a show, a play, or maybe a concert. It was nothing structured like a regular date night; we just kicked up our heels whenever we felt like it. That was usually two or three times a month-sometimes more.
Unfortunately it was one of the first things that suffered when we had to start scaling back. It seemed to be harder on Lori than on me. Growing up, her family had more money than mine. I didn't start going out and enjoying myself until I started dating in college, but my wife used to go out with her dad and mom all the time; it was practically second nature for her.
We hadn't been out in many months and Lori was starting to complain. As far as she was concerned, the bills could wait. It first started about three months ago...
"Skyler we have GOT to do something. I'm going insane sitting home night after night with nothing to do. I want to go out like we used to. I want to have some fun."
Lori's timing was always bad. I was sitting at the kitchen table going through our bills. Slowly, very slowly we were just starting to dig ourselves out of the hole a little.
I looked up at my beautiful wife. "Sure, no problem," I said sarcastically. "Just tell me which of these bills not to pay."
She just glared at me. I thought for a moment she was going to start yelling but whatever she was thinking, she kept to herself.
As soon as I said what I did, I felt bad. It wasn't really such a horrible request.
"I'm sorry, honey," I apologized. "I promise, it won't always be like this. I haven't stopped looking for a better job; in the meantime, we just have to cool it for a while."
"Cool it?" she snarled. "Skyler we've been cooling it for almost a year now. I feel like a caged animal. I need to get out and enjoy myself."
"I know, honey; I know," I said trying to placate her. "Look, we have a lot to catch up on. Five months ago we missed a house payment and our second car payment. We came this close," I said holding my thumb and index finger about an inch apart, "to having your car repossessed. With this month's commission check we'll be square except for one car payment. If we can keep the grocery bill down, we'll be all caught up in another two months."
I could see Lori's lips tighten. She wasn't a happy camper and I really couldn't blame her. Then I got, what I thought was a great idea.
"I'll tell you what, why don't you and I go to Lincoln Park Zoo this weekend? It's free and we haven't been there since Lance was young."
"Skyler, I don't want to commune with nature, I want to commune with some nightlife," she sneered. "I want to eat and drink and dance until my feet fall off."
"Honey please, hang in there a little longer. I promise, as soon as we get current with all the bills we'll celebrate by going out someplace nice for dinner."
Without another word she turned and went upstairs. I guess I sighed a little to myself. I really did feel bad but this was Chicago, between parking and dinner for two, a night out was going to cost a couple hundred bucks, or more. I was brought up in a household that believed the bills came first. There was no way I could justify blowing that kind of money when we were still behind and barely paying the minimum payment on our credit cards each month.
It took me another ten minutes to finish up. I was going to watch the news but realized Lori was still upstairs so I thought I'd check on her first. When I entered our bedroom she was sitting on the edge of the bed, crying. I really felt like a heel. I sat down next to her, reached around, and pulled her in tight to me. "I'm sorry, babe. I'm doing the best I can," I said leaning my cheek on the top of her head.
"I know," she sniffled. "This has just been such a hard year, and now with Lance gone we could be going for the weekend somewhere. We should be taking little mini vacations; instead we're stuck here. It's almost like being in prison. I thought debtor's prison was abolished," she scoffed.
It's too bad she was looking down when she said that. If she'd been paying attention I'm sure she would have seen the anger in my face. Our house was no prison. Hell, I didn't even want to buy it. I thought it was too big and too expensive, but once she saw it, she just had to have it. Now I'm fighting like hell to keep it and she's calling it a fucking prison. I had a choice; I could either open my mouth and tell her just what I thought of her analogy, or walk away. I chose the latter.
Over the next couple of months, things between Lori and me got even worse. Conversations seemed to be getting shorter and less meaningful. We were spending less and less time in the same room with each other. Love making was becoming less frequent and Lori's participation was decreasing. Her screams of passion became whimpers and the magic was disappearing from the bedroom.
She made no bones about the fact that she was unhappy with me for not taking her out but I couldn't help it. Yes, we both needed a release, I agreed with her, but not until we were at least caught up on our bills. I promised her a night on the town in the near future but it didn't seem to appease her.
Things came to a head on a Friday after work. I came home in an exceptionally good mood. I had just landed a nice contract and with the commission I'd be receiving at the end of the month, I'd finally be able to take my lovely wife out for a good time. Unfortunately I didn't get a chance to tell her about it. She was coming down the stairs dressed to the nine's as I walked in.
"Wow," I said watching her descend. "What's the occasion?"
"I'm going out with some of the girls from work. Don't worry," she said with a sarcastic tone in her voice, "they're paying for everything."
Right off the bat something didn't ring true. I immediately got a bad feeling. As far as I knew, Lori had never cheated on me, but you don't put on the sexiest dress in your closet to go out with the girls. Besides that, my wife was a proud woman; I couldn't imagine her going out and allowing her friends to pay for everything. That would be like taking charity. Only if she was going out with a guy, would she allow someone to pay for the whole night. I felt the hair stand up on the back of my neck.
"Ah huh, and just who are these girls? What are their names?"
She didn't even look concerned with my question. "Just some of the girls from the office, you don't know any of them."
"You didn't answer my question, Lori. I may have been born at night, but I wasn't born last night. You don't dress like that to out with girlfriends. Who are you meeting? Do you have a date with a man?"
"Oh don't be silly," she said nonchalantly. "I told you I was going out with the girls; if you don't believe me I can't help it. You're just paranoid because you have a guilty conscience."
Just then I heard a car horn. I looked outside and saw a cab in our drive. "You're taking a taxi?"
"Yeah, well I intend to enjoy myself tonight. Heaven knows we can't afford a DUI so I thought it would be the smart thing to do."
"I suppose the girls are paying for that, too," I angrily asked.
"As a matter of fact, yes-they are." She leaned over and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "I have some leftovers from last night in the fridge. You can heat them up in the microwave. I may be pretty late so don't worry about waiting up." And with those parting words, she was out the door.
I watched to see if anyone else was in the car but from what I could see as she slid into the back seat, she was alone.
For a little while, I went into denial. Sure, I knew Lori was angry but I just couldn't believe my wife would actually go out with another man. Hell, we had a son together-a life together. She wouldn't cheat on me, I told myself. There was just no way.
I pulled the leftovers from the fridge and stuck them in the microwave but as my meal was warming up, so was I. I wanted so much to believe she was just out having a good time with some friends from work, but come on...
I went over to the computer and looked up the number for the taxi service. When the dispatcher answered the phone I told him I wanted the destination of the cab that just left my house, then gave him my address. I wasn't sure what privacy issues they would have but the guy on the other end of the line had no problem giving me the information; Plato's Place, 3560 Elmhurst Rd.
I knew the place. In fact Lori and I had gone there on a couple of occasions. It was a romantic restaurant with an attached bar that had plenty of dimly lit corners; not the kind of place a woman goes to have fun with her girlfriends, more like the kind of place a guy takes a woman to seduce her.
By the time the buzzer rang indicating my dinner was ready, I had a knot in the pit of my stomach the size of a softball. I thought husbands and wives were supposed to pull together when the going got rough, not betray each other. Hell, I thought, maybe I'll just go to Plato's Place for dinner, myself.
The place had two entrances, one for the lounge, one for the restaurant. If I went in through the lounge I didn't have to deal with a hostess. I wasn't interested in a drink so I walked right passed the bar and into the dining room. A quick scan of the place revealed my wife sitting at a table with another man. She had her back to me but there was no doubt it was her. They were both talking over a plate of appetizers and a bottle of wine was already sitting next to the table.
I could feel my blood coming to a boil. I fixed my eyes on the bastard who was trying to bed my wife and started my approach with an aggressive stride. I was still a few feet away when Mr. Slick must have sensed something. He stopped in mid-sentence and looked up. Our eyes met and he suddenly looked nervous. I was just a couple feet away when Lori glanced over her shoulder to see what her paramour was looking at.
"Skyler!" she shrieked. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to meet your girlfriends," I said with venom. "Who's the asshole?"
"Hey," he said, starting to stand up.
"Go ahead...give me an excuse," I threatened. "You know damn well she's married. I guess that doesn't mean anything to you though, does it. Tell me, do you leave a trail of slime behind you when you walk?"
He looked like he wasn't sure what he should do. He was still half standing and half sitting when my wife chimed in.
"Skyler, please, don't make a scene. This is Jerry. I work with him. Since you're too stingy to take me out, he volunteered. He was just trying to be nice."
"Nice, my ass," I growled. "He's just trying to get into your pants." I looked at Jerry again. I guess he decided he didn't want to try me because he sat back down. "If you attempt anything with my wife again, so help me I'll drag you through town on a rope tied to the bumper of my car.
"Come on, your evening is over," I told my wife.
She hesitated just for a second, but like Jerry, she decided not to test me any further. "I'm sorry about this," she said to Mr. Cool while standing.
I think every eye in the place was on us as I took her by the arm and escorted her out through the front door. Not one word was spoken in the car, not by either of us. Once we got into the house; however, it was a different matter.
"What the hell was that all about, Lori, tell me. Have you suddenly decided that I'm not worthy to be your husband anymore?"
"No, of course not. I just wanted to get out of the house and have some fun for a change."
"Who is this, Jerry? How long have you guys been seeing each other?" I asked getting more and more angry by the minute.
"He's just someone I work with, and we haven't been seeing each other. We've had lunch together a couple of times, that's all. I mentioned that we don't go out any more like we used and told him I miss it. He offered to take me out for dinner and some dancing and I took him up on it...so shoot me," she stated derisively.
"I don't believe this," I said almost shell-shocked. "I thought our marriage was stronger than this. We have some tough times and you're ready to bail on me?"
"Who said anything about bailing? I work every day now, too. I deserve to be able to enjoy myself once in a while. If you won't take me out why should I turn down someone who will?"
"Because you're my wife, damn it!" I said raising my voice. "That's why! We're supposed to be a damn team."
She didn't say anything to that, but from the look on her face, I could tell she was scoffing at my words.
"Is this what I have to look forward too; being married to someone I can't trust? Am I going to have to worry who you're with or what you're doing when you're out of my sight? Tell me, what were your plans for the end of the night? Did you intend to sleep with him?"
"Of course not," she abruptly answered.
I looked at the woman I had been married to for almost twenty years, and for the first time, I didn't trust her...not one little bit.
"I don't believe you," I said. "You lied to me when you said you going out with girlfriends and you didn't even seem very concerned that I didn't believe you then; why should I believe you now? I'll admit, it's been a tough year, but a wife is supposed to stick by her husband. Remember what we said to each other at the altar, 'for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.'" In that instant my thoughts were clear as a bell. "Our marriage is over," I declared.
This time her scoff was verbal. "Don't be silly," she said dismissively. "We're broke, remember. You can't afford a lawyer, how're you going to get a divorce? Hell, you can't even afford to move out."
I wished I could have come back with a clever retort, but to tell you the truth, I was too stunned. I guess some people are just no good at dealing with adversity. She had obviously stopped loving me...and stopped respecting me. After nineteen years, my marriage was over just that quick. I would have probably broken down and cried but I was too damned angry. Without saying another word, I went upstairs and started to pack a suitcase.
Lori waited a good ten minutes before coming up to see what I was doing. "What's this?" she asked in a sharp tone. "Oh I see; you can't take me out to dinner but you can afford to stay the night in a motel. Fine!" she yelled as she turned around and walked out.
Enright Automotive contracted out to have most of their inventory made overseas, but we did make some items ourselves. We had a small plant adjacent to the offices. It had a large shower room so the workers could get cleaned up before going home and there was a couch in the reception room of the office building. A shower and a place to sleep, that's all I needed for the time being.
As I hit the bottom landing with my suitcase, Lori was in the kitchen. She called out when she heard the door open but I never stopped to hear what she had to say. I threw my clothes in the car and left.
I hadn't gone a mile down the street before my phone started to ring. Sitting in the car with my seatbelt on, I couldn't get to it if I wanted, so I let it go to voicemail. It only took a few seconds for me to get curious as to what she had to say. After I got to the office I pulled the phone out of my pocket. I had been speculating all the way there. I thought I'd hear a weeping Lori apologizing and begging me to come back; instead...
"Skyler, you're being childish. I told you I had no plans to sleep with Jerry and I meant it. Now get your ass back home."
...not quite what I expected.
I left all but a few essentials in the car; no sense in letting everyone at work know what was going on. It was still early so I went into the break room and watched a little TV to try and get my mind off of my troubles but it didn't work. I couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if I hadn't gone to the restaurant. Would she really have come home after dancing a little? I guess I'll never know for sure but I had my doubts. Even if she had, that slime-ball, Jerry, didn't seem like the kind who'd give up that easily. I'm sure that somewhere down the road he'd have gotten her in the sack.
I finally gave up trying to watch anything and set my alarm early enough that I could shower in the morning and be dressed before the factory guys started to arrive at seven.
As I tried to get some sleep, I wondered what I was going to do. Lori was right, I didn't have the money for a lawyer, or even an apartment. I'd have to figure out something. Lori had displayed contempt for our marriage and for me, personally. There was no way I was going to go crawling back home with my tail between my legs.
I was actually a little surprised when the alarm woke me up the next morning. I couldn't believe I slept that good on that couch. The damn thing was a torture device.
I showered and got dressed before heading off to Denny's for a leisurely breakfast. I'd kill some time there until it was time for me to go to work. I was sipping my fourth cup of coffee when the solution to my problem hit me like a flash. Of course, it was so simple. Why I hadn't thought of it sooner was beyond me.
Once back in Enright's parking lot, I took out my cell phone and took a picture. The first thing I did after sitting down at my desk was to run the ad. Two days later I took the afternoon off. I had a few errands to run. Knowing Lori would be at work, I drove over to the house and found the papers I was looking for in our personal filing cabinet. I grabbed the spare set of keys on the way out. Later that day I checked into a motel and called Lori. As soon as she heard my voice she started in again...
"It's about time! Are you done with your little hissy-fit now? I can't believe you couldn't find the money to take me out to dinner but you can stay in a motel for two days."
"Actually," I said, cutting her off, "I stayed at the office."
"The office?"
"Yeah, they have a shower, a nice comfortable couch, and a TV room...all the comforts of home," I said, lying through my teeth.
She responded with more of the same. "Well that's just being ridiculous; stop being so stubborn and come home."
"I'm not coming home, Lori. I told you, our marriage is over. I just called to let you know you're going to need a ride home."
"What; why? What's wrong with the car?"
"Nothing," I replied. "It drives like a dream; nicer than mine."
There was a brief silence as she was undoubtedly trying to figure out what I was saying. "Skyler, what are you talking about?"
"I sold my car; got eighteen grand for it. That's more than enough to get a lawyer started on the divorce and a down payment on an apartment. Of course being in sales, I still need a car so I took yours. I stopped by the house earlier today and got the titles to both cars and the spare keys to yours."
"Skyler," she shrieked. "You can't do that! What am I supposed to drive?"
"Actually, since both cars are in my name, I CAN do that. I didn't take anything out of the accounts. All the bills are paid for the month so there wasn't a lot left but if you budget you should have plenty for food and cab fare. If you run low I'm sure Jerry will be more than happy to take you out for dinner-providing you give him what he wants, of course."
Suddenly it was with a much subdued attitude with which she spoke. "Skyler, please don't do this. I...I never thought you'd really go this far. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gone out with Jerry but I was mad. Honest...nothing was going to happen."
"Lori, you lied to me, went on a date with another man behind my back, and then treated me with disdain and showed absolutely no remorse when I caught you. Admit it, Lori, you don't love or respect me. You made that plain as day with the way you talked to me the other night."
"Skyler, I...I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too, Lori. We had a good run when life was easy, but when things got tough we let each other down."
He was surprised to hear a sob from the other end of the phone but it made no difference anymore. He continued. "The house is in both our names. It's our one decent asset so it needs to be sold as quickly as possible." He heard her gasp.
"Sell the house? Skyler do we have to?"
"Lori, right now we're up to date with the mortgage but I'm not paying any more house payments and there's no way you can pay them every month. Yes, it has to be sold immediately. I figure we each should be able to walk away with fifty or sixty thousand a piece. You can buy yourself a decent used car and find an apartment with that."
"Skyler, I...I don't want a divorce. Please, can't we talk about this?"
"Sorry, Lori; it's no longer about what you want. Now, do you want to call a realtor or should I?"
EPILOGUE:
Lori stood on the sidewalk outside of her apartment and looked into the grey sky as she heard a flock of geese squawking their way northward; a welcoming reminder that spring was right around the corner. She made her way through the melting slush, to her ten year old Honda and headed toward Starbuck's to meet an old friend.
She was looking forward to seeing Julie. It had been a typical Chicago winter with cold temperatures, lots of snow, and slick roads so Lori had spent most of it cooped up in her apartment when she wasn't at work.
Julie had already commandeered a small table in the corner and was sipping her latte when Lori walked in. They greeted each other with a girly kiss on the cheek before Lori got in line for her own Columbian brew. While standing in line, Lori thought what a treat it was to get out and visit with a friend. As she walked back to the table with coffee in hand, she was greeted with a warm smile and a friendly voice.
"Lori, it's so good to see you. It's been a while."
"Yes it has, too long," she replied with a tinge of sadness in her voice. "I don't get out much anymore."
"How come? When we were younger you were the party girl."
"Yeah-well, life was a lot easier in those days. I don't have the money to go partying anymore."
"What about dates? You remember those-you go out with some handsome man and he pays," Julie joked.
"Huh," Lori faked a little laugh. "It's kind of a catch twenty-two. You can't meet men if you don't get out and you can't afford to go out if you're not with a man."
"What about guys at work," Julie asked.
"Nothing but dweebs and married men," Lori countered. "Let's get off this subject, it's depressing. How're the kids?"
"Oh, they're doing great. Charlie junior just got a promotion at work and Debbie is in her third year of college already. They grow up so fast don't they?"
"They sure do," Lori replied. "Lance has another year to go in the military and he's already talking about re-enlisting. He likes it. How's hubby?"
"Charlie's doing just fine; as hard working as ever."
Lori caught the sheepish look on her friend's face. "What?"
"Oh nothing," Julie replied even more sheepishly.
"Come on, out with it. You were going to ask me something."
"I...well, I was just going to ask if you've seen Skyler."
"No, not since we signed the divorce papers." She thought for a second. "Jeeze, that was two years ago already. Why?"
"I just wondered. I..I'm not sure I should tell you but it's probably better to hear it from a friend..."
"What? Is he okay?"
"Yeah, he's fine. I ran into him the other day and we talked. He's...ah..."
"He's what, Julie? Come on-out with it."
"Okay, well...he's getting married again."
Even though she knew it was over a long time ago, the news was still hard for Lori to take. She felt her eyes instantly starting to water. Her voice dripped with sadness. "It doesn't surprise me," she said softly. "He's a great guy." Her eyes drifted downward as she admitted, "Sometimes I think back at what we had together and I wonder how I could have been so stupid."
She took a sip from her coffee then lifted her face and looked at her friend. "I did love him, you know; I really did. Things just got so rough with all the bills and everything that I started to feel sorry for myself. At the time, all I could think of was escaping all our problems and having a little fun."
Julie didn't say anything. She thought it was better to just listen.
"Skyler was right...about everything. I did lose my respect for him. I may have even stopped loving him for a little while. Stupid, I know. It wasn't his fault he got fired. He was doing everything he could to make sure we didn't lose everything, but I couldn't see past my own selfish wants. I just had to have things my way. I remember Skyler suggested we go to the zoo one weekend but I wanted my night out on the town so I shot him down cold.
"Hell, he was even right about Jerry. That was the guy he caught me having dinner with. Skyler asked if I had plans to screw the guy at the end of the night. I denied it of course, but just between you and me, I had every intention of doing just that."
"Oh Lori..."
"Yeah, I know. Believe me, Julie, if I could do it over, I would do it a whole lot differently. Is he still living in that little efficiency apartment he got?"
"Oh no, he move out of there a long time ago. I guess you didn't hear," again Julie was hesitant to bring it up.
"What now? Don't tell me—he won the lottery."
"No, nothing that good, but he got his old job back with Van's. That was a while ago, a few months after your divorce was final. I guess they started losing customers left and right after they fired Skyler. They finally called and asked him to go back. After some negotiations he took them up on their offer. Hell, he's making more now than he ever made."
As she finished talking, Julie saw a tear roll down Lori's cheek. "I'm sorry, honey. I shouldn't have said anything."
"No," she replied shaking her head. "It's nobody's fault but my own," she said. "I can't tell you how many nights I've gone to bed and thought about him. I've prayed that the last two years was just a horrible nightmare and I'd awake the next morning with Skyler lying next to me; but then I wake up and have to face reality again." Lori picked up a napkin and wiped away the tears. "I'm happy for him, honest. Tell him that for me if you see him again, will you."
"I will, honey," Julie responded with sympathy.
The girls changed the subject and talked about a variety of other things. When they finally parted, Lori put up a good front, but once she got inside her car and was out of sight, she broke down and cried.
