ONE SLIP: THE SACRIFICE & AFTERMATH by DFWBeast
Donna took a deep breath. She straightened her shoulders, blinked back a threatened tear from her eye and reached deep inside herself to a reservoir of strength she had never known she had. With her head held high, in spite of the guilt and anguish in her heart, she opened the door and marched inside. - patricia51, One Slip
The Sacrifice
As she walked into his office, her husband looked up from his desk. His obvious joy at seeing her made her pause. He was a good-looking man, not the movie star looks like Gil, but still ruggedly handsome. He also had something Gil didn't, character. Those traits, combined with the love he had for her and their children, made him so much more desirable than any man she'd ever met... except for a single slip.
One slip, and now everything was about to change. Those she loved would be hurt. Her marriage was damaged by her own hand and her family was in jeopardy of being torn apart.
"What was I thinking?" she whispered. "Of course, I wasn't!"
With a calmness that belied the hurricane of emotions brewing inside her, she addressed her husband. She was determined not to cry, knowing he couldn't bear to see her tears and it might confuse an already hard to explain situation. She needed to be open and honest with him, not manipulate his feelings.
"Honey, we need to talk."
It wasn't original, but it was a start.
"I need to tell you some things that are going to hurt and make you very angry. First, I need to ask you to indulge me. I need you to give me your gun that you keep in your desk."
"The Cannon?"
She nodded and took a deep breath.
Steve flopped back into his chair; his look of surprise obvious. Slowly, he unlocked his desk drawer and removed the huge gun. Without his eyes ever leaving her, he handed her his Smith and Wesson Model 29 .44 Magnum. She blanched for a moment before taking it from him.
He'd told her several times before what it was called, but she could never remember so they usually just referred to it as the Cannon. She stared at it as if it was a snake just waiting for it to strike. She'd forgotten how big and heavy it was as she struggled to fit it into her oversized purse.
"Now, do you mind telling me," her husband said in a low, guarded voice, "what could be so bad that you're afraid I might shoot someone with that thing?"
She looked at him as studied his face. His concern was evident. It was mixed with love along with something else... fear. He tried to hide it but it was in his voice.
"I'm... I'm sorry, Steve," she said softly, her voice failing, "but it might be. I wish there was another way to say this but... I... I cheated on you."
She nearly choked on the words, and the turning of her stomach caused her to pause. She knew that the pain she felt couldn't compare with the incredible hurt she could see in her husband's eyes.
She watched as his heart broke. His eyes began to fill with tears and his jaw tightened. Then his face slowly lost all expression, as if turning to stone. She prayed the death she was witnessing was only his trust in her and not his love.
"When" he croaked. "And more importantly, why?"
"Last weekend at Gil's party. As to the why... I'm not fully sure. I know that's not the answer either of us want to hear, but it's the most honest."
The air filled with an eerie silence as she initially stared at her husband, trying to read his reactions. He sat almost motionless as he tried to process her confession.
"I'd been drinking but not enough to excuse my actions," she began softly. "All I can think of is that I was too comfortable and let my guard down. I was around people I trusted, had drunk just enough to feel at ease and let myself walk into a situation that turned horribly wrong in seconds. I don't know how it happened, but I was in his arms before I realized it."
"Whose arms?" her husband growled.
"Gil's," she responded flatly. "I'm so sorry, Steve, but it was with Gil. He wanted me to see his new office..."
She watched as her husband flinched. She knew he would gather as much information as possible before he reacted.
"When we got there, he put his arm around me. I don't know, Steve. I can't explain it. He's always been a flirt, but he's that way with all women. I guess I trusted him. I thought the situation was harmless, and worst of all I believed that I'd always be able to handle anything if something ever did.
"I was obviously wrong. The next thing I knew, he was kissing me. It may have been the suddenness of it or maybe I was just stunned, but I didn't fight it."
"You said you'd been drinking. Could someone have put something in your drink?"
She shook her head sadly.
"I wish I could say I was drunk or drugged, but I can't. I should've just slapped him and walked away. Maybe if I had I wouldn't have betrayed you and our family. Instead it took less than twenty minutes to ruin everything."
"Twenty minutes?"
Donna felt her face flush.
"He took me... no... I let him take me right there in his office. I slipped and ended up falling off the side of the cliff. Just one careless slip."
"Maybe you shouldn't have been so close to the edge."
"That's not fair. I've been alone with Gil many times and nothing even close to this has ever happened."
"So you say."
"I realize why you have trouble believing me right now, but it really was a one-time mistake. If it'd happened more than once, I'd be an even bigger fool to come in here and confess, knowing it was a lie. Steve, I swear to you I never dreamed Gil would ever physically make a pass at me."
"And I would've never imagined my wife would give herself to another man like some dog in heat!"
Donna felt her heart stop. His reaction wasn't unexpected, but she'd prayed it wouldn't be so harsh. Slowly she began to breathe again, realizing her worst fears were becoming reality.
"You're right. I can't tell you how ashamed I am. After it happened, I went home and took a shower. I tried to wash away any traces of him, but I was still haunted by the memories of my infidelity."
"I guess that answers another of my questions," Steve growled.
"What?"
"No condom."
She shook her head and looked down.
"It was a slip, Steve. I'm not trying to make it less than the horrible betrayal it was, but it wasn't planned. There was no conscious thought. It happened so quickly that I never stopped to think. If I had, I wouldn't have done it.
"I went to the clinic and was tested earlier this week. I also got a Morning After kit. I know I'm still on the pill, but I was so terrified that I had to make sure."
"So why did it take you so long to talk to me about it? Or were you ever going to?"
Donna took a deep breath and began.
"To answer your first question, I was struggling with my guilt and fears. I was ashamed of myself and I felt guilty, not having a clear reason for why I did what I did. I was also afraid. I was afraid that what I'd done would destroy our family. My actions had hurt our marriage and I was trying to come to grips with the possibility that you would throw me out.
"As to would I have ever told you, I think I would have... eventually, I was trying to think of a way to talk to you about it tomorrow night. But I hadn't decided as of yesterday, and then something happened just a little while ago that made my confession necessary."
"What? Did he give you a STD?"
"No, the results said I was clean. At least physically."
She looked at her husband with dread. His response to her confession had been expected, but how he'd react to this next part scared her.
"I just came from having lunch with Gil."
"Setting up your next slip," Steve growled.
"He called me," she replied quietly, ignoring his dig, "and said he needed to talk about what happened. I told him no, but he said there was much more to it and we needed to meet. I finally agreed and met him at Sanderson's. I planned on making sure he realized that it had been a mistake and would never happen again. When I got there, I was the one who was surprised, no... shocked!
"Steve, he tried to blackmail me. He tried to turn me into his company whore!"
Donna highlighted to her husband what was said at their meeting. She recounted Gil's threats and his demand she be available that evening to entertain his clients. Donna also shared her suspicions that she hadn't been the first Gil had tried to blackmail. She watched with concern as he stoically gathered the information. When she finished, he sat back and was silent for a few seconds. When he finally spoke, it was with a coldness that made her shiver.
"So do you still have the pictures he tried to blackmail you with?"
"Yes, but I'm begging you not to look at them. It's one thing to know your wife betrayed you; it's another thing to actually see her acting like a slut. Please Steve, don't look at them."
They stared silently at each other. Donna felt an overwhelming sorrow as she saw his resolve. Reluctantly, she handed the envelope to him.
Without another glance at her, he opened it and began examining the photos. He stopped on the picture of her on her knees staring up with a look full of lust. Donna felt her face begin to flush with shame. Her husband's once emotionless face contorted with an intense pain that soon morphed into anger.
"When did Gil say his clients were coming in?"
"He didn't, but he wanted me available at seven."
"Well, if he sticks to his normal routine, he'll take them out to the country club and try to impress them first."
Donna disagreed and suspected that Gil would go back to his office until his clients arrived. She had a very bad feeling, though, and remained silent.
"I wanted to talk to you before I contacted the police," she stated, as calmly as she could.
"Don't bother."
"Steve, please don't..."
He shot a glare at her that took her breath away.
"I understand now why you asked for the Cannon" he said in a cold, dead voice. "I still need to have a little heart to heart talk with my ex-best friend."
He started to walk past her and leave. She instinctively reached for him. He roughly brushed her hand away.
"Take your hands off me, you damn dirty whore!"
She recoiled from his vehement outburst and slunk back against the wall. As Steve stormed out of the office, a stunned Darlene, his assistant, watched aghast.
"Oh my God, Donna!" Darlene yelped as she rushed over to the crumpled form leaning against the wall. "What happened? I've never seen Steve like that before!"
Donna slowly gathered herself and stood. Staring into the worried face of her friend, she whispered.
"I hurt him, Darlene. I hurt my husband very badly."
Sighing, she closed her eyes and grasped at anything positive.
"At least I have his gun so he won't do something foolish."
"His gun?" Darlene asked. "Which one? That big-assed one he keeps in his desk or the one in his truck?"
Donna looked at her, confused, before the panic began to rise.
"I, I thought he only had that one."
"No, he has that other one. It's shiny and my brother called it a Zig or Sig something or other. Hell, I don't know, to me a gun's a gun."
"Oh, Darlene I need your help. Please call your brother. I'm afraid Steve might actually hurt someone."
"Hurt someone? Oh my god, what happened?"
Reluctantly and leaving out the graphic details Donna told Darlene of her infidelity and Gil's blackmail. When Darlene asked if she had any evidence, she gave her the envelope with the photos and said any other evidence would probably be found in Gil's office. She also mentioned her suspicions that the same thing had happened to others, including the Dalgreens.
Darlene left and made some calls. She then returned to her forlorn friend.
"I called my brother and he's headed over to the Country Club to try and intercept Steve. I need to go meet my sister-in-law and turn these photos over to her. While I'm gone, why don't you go lie down in Steve's office?
"No, I need to go pick up the kids. I..."
"They're still in school and at the daycare."
"I know, but I need to see them, Darlene. They'll help me... keep me grounded."
"Donna, you're barely able to walk, let alone drive. I'll drop this off and then I can stop and pick up the kids. It shouldn't be a problem, since I've done it before."
"Besides, you need to take a break and get your head together. I'd like to tell you that the worst is over, but we both know it isn't. Steve's got to be in sheer agony to have that kind of rage. I'm not sure he'll be able to get past this.
"But Donna, there's still hope. He loves you like nobody I know. I don't know what will happen but you need to be thinking of ways you can show him your marriage is worth fighting for. I'm sorry I don't have any suggestions, but you need to come up with something and fast."
Donna nodded, slowly walked back into Steve's office and shut the door behind her. She heard the office's front door close and knew Darlene was on her way. She realized her betrayal would soon be exposed to the world. With a small sad sigh, she went over to the small couch and curled up on it.
Her thoughts swirled in her mind, making it hard to grab hold of any one in particular. Finally, her gaze landed on a picture that sat on Steve's desk. It was a photo of the two of them and the kids when they'd gone to the beach. She'd talked an elderly couple into capturing the moment with her cellphone.
She remembered each child's face as they'd squealed with delight while she'd poured a bucket of water on their unsuspecting father. She'd laughed so hard that she'd forgotten to run after her sneak attack, and Steve had quickly grabbed her. He'd lifted her up like she weighed nothing. She squealed as he acted as if he was about to drop her. He paused, and with a warm smile he winked at her. She'd wrapped her arms around him and gave him her plea for forgiveness, a smoldering kiss. Their three children all groaned and gagged.
Donna smiled sadly at the memory. It was a cherished moment for them, and she couldn't help but wonder if their future held any more of them.
"Funny how the mind works," she said softly to herself. "I wonder why I didn't remember that the night I ruined my marriage."
Her thoughts were rudely interrupted by the opening and slamming of the front office door. She'd just stood up when Gil burst into Steve's office.
He looked surprisingly calm and only slightly irritated.
"I thought Darlene would never leave! I was trying to catch you before you made a stupid mistake. But after watching Steve rush out of here looking all pissed off, I'm pretty sure I'm too late."
"If you're asking if I told Steve, then you're right, you're too late."
"You stupid bitch," he stated flatly.
"You're right again," Donna replied calmly. "I certainly was stupid. I was foolish for letting my guard down around my husband's supposed best friend. I was even more stupid giving in to my lust and damaging my marriage for something so... so average."
"Average, huh?" he smirked. "I've got pictures that say differently. Certainly not average with the way you were in to it."
"I admit I let myself be drawn into the moment. I was a fool but it was nothing compared to the absolute stupidity you showed trying to blackmail your best friend's wife into becoming your corporate whore. Now that, is just plain dumb!"
Gil's response wasn't what she'd expected as he smiled evilly.
"No, not one of my brighter moments, but in my defense, I was trapped."
Donna looked at him puzzled.
"I didn't plan our little fuck session that night," he explained. "I wasn't thinking, just took advantage of an opportunity."
"So why did you record it?"
"Insurance," he said in a matter of fact tone. "Of course, afterwards I realized you'd probably feel too guilty and end up confessing to Steve. But after a few days you still hadn't, so I thought I might still have a chance to keep you from ruining us both. I had to up the stakes, sort of speak, to insure your silence.
"In the end, it was a calculated gamble. Like the old saying goes: in for a penny, in for a pound. Now the question is what are we..."
He was interrupted by his cell phone. Answering it, Donna watched his smug face morph into a definitely unhappy one.
"Shit!" he snarled. "When did he leave?"
He turned and glared at her. "Shit, shit, SHIT!"
"Bad news I hope?" she said with a smirk of her own.
"You dumb bitch! Did you tell him I was trying to blackmail you? Surely you didn't show him the photos?"
Donna nodded.
"Well you truly fucked everything up, now!"
Shaking his head, Gil sat heavily in Steve's office chair. Donna could see flickers of a grotesque rage marring his normally handsome face.
"Dammit," he sputtered.
"Gil, just so you know," Donna said coldly. "I've already called the sheriff."
Gil sneered and glared at her.
"Blackmail?" he snorted. "It'll be your word against mine, at least for a while. As for those photos, I wouldn't put a lot of faith in those. I'll swear we were having an affair and that you knew I was taking them. I was simply giving you some mementos from our latest escapade. Mementos that you requested, of course.
"That should confuse things long enough for me to go back and make sure I haven't missed removing any evidence. Even if it doesn't entirely work it'll legally muddy the water enough to delay any arrests or indictments. I hear South America is nice this time of year."
"But now, I have a bigger problem. That call was from one of my contacts at the country club. Seems your husband was just there looking for me. While I've got a good chance of delaying the authorities, your puckered self-righteous husband is another matter. He may want to find me because I betrayed him, or he believes your blackmail sob story. Either way, it won't end well."
Gil grumbled as he opened the desk drawer that had once housed Steve's Cannon. Shaking his head, he sighed.
"No, this isn't going to end well at all."
Donna started to say something about Steve not having that gun but froze when Gil took out his own gun. He checked it carefully and slid it into a ready position with a loud click. Slowly he placed it on the desk.
"What?" Donna whispered in disbelief.
"It's called a Glock..."
"No! This is insane! What are you doing?
"A betrayed, angry, 'eye for an eye' type of husband is looking for me. What did you think would happen?
"My call said Steve left the country club just before some deputy arrived. He'll probably go to my office first, but eventually he'll end up coming back here. Hopefully, he'll see reason but we both know that's probably unlikely. Let's face it, our little fuck probably destroyed his perfect little world."
"Please Gil, don't do this. Just leave."
"No," Gil stated coldly. "Steve won't stop and frankly I have no intention of looking over my shoulder until I can leave town. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky and be able to back him off for a bit. If the gun doesn't work, then I'll have to threaten to harm your kids. All I need is to stall him for a day or two. Regardless, it's better to deal with this now."
Carefully Donna reached into her purse. With difficulty she removed Steve's gun, she pulled the hammer back and tried to aim it at Gil's chest. She struggled but couldn't stop her hands from shaking and the gun was so heavy. At the sound of the gun cocking Gil's eyes went wide but then a sly, evil grin formed on his face.
"Oh my!" he snickered. "What a BIG gun you have, little girl!"
"Move away from the gun," Donna squeaked, her voice betraying her.
"Go to hell," he sneered, slowly reaching for his gun.
"I'm already there," Donna whispered as she closed her eyes and pulled the trigger.
There was an explosion and Steve's office became surreal. She winced at the sharp pain in her shoulder and her arm felt partially numb. The huge gun lay on the floor beside her where she'd dropped it.
Looking over at Steve's desk she saw the huddled mass that had been her husband's best friend. She couldn't see his face but a dark pool of blood had begun to gather beneath him. Mixed within the ringing sound in her ears, she thought she could make out a siren. Donna staggered back against the wall and slowly slid to the floor.
She looked over at the unmoving body and knew everything was about to change.
"Steve," she whispered. "I love you. I'm so sorry. Please find a way to forgive me."
In reality, it was only one slip, to some, it was a monumental act of betrayal, to others it was a sad human error, but not marriage destroying. However one viewed it, in the end it would carry a price, a life changing cost because it required... a sacrifice.
The Aftermath
Donna sighed as she adjusted herself on the bench. She looked down at her bright orange prison garb and snorted.
"Orange is the new black... yeah right."
She looked up at her husband, staring at her through the glass. He looked exhausted, but was still handsome. She prayed she'd feel his arms holding her again, someday. She reminded herself not to get too hopeful, since there was still a chance he'd file for divorce.
The past several months had been hell; not only for her, but on him and their family. The media circus and trial had thrown them into the public's eye. Sex, cheating, blackmail and a Smith & Wesson .44 magnum had given the internet more than enough to have a field day at their expense. There had been countless pictures of her circulated with the 'Go ahead make my day!', 'Do you feel lucky?', and 'Dirty Donna' memes.
If she'd been surprised by the public chaos created by her slip, then she'd been dumbstruck with how the trial had gone.
Her lawyer had said it best at the beginning of the fiasco, it probably would've been better if she'd killed Gil. No, Gil hadn't died. There are many reasons why one doesn't close one's eyes when firing a gun: aim is an obvious one.
Still, when Donna had fired, she'd managed to hit Gil in the shoulder. With a bullet of that caliber, it left a large hole. While he didn't die from the initial gunshot, he almost bled-out before help could arrive.
With a serious wound, Gil ended up in the hospital and wasn't able to implement his escape plan. He was arrested before he was ever released. Whether he was trying to play some legal game or he was just being vindictive, his testimony contradicted Donna's so drastically that an overly aggressive prosecutor went after both Gil and Donna.
Initially, they'd claimed self-defense and the "in the heat of passion" but things weren't clear cut when they couldn't prove Gil was reaching for the gun due to his conflicting testimony. What was provable was that Gil didn't have the gun in his hand when she shot him. She didn't know which was more insane, the legal system or someone expecting justice from it.
Those first few weeks were full of dark legal twists and accusations. Karma began to balance itself out as more and more evidence came out concerning Gil's past blackmails, and public opinion was quickly gaining for Donna. Also working in her favor, was that the Cannon wasn't considered a semi-automatic, further reducing the potential maximum sentence. The DA, aware that he'd be up for reelection soon, was quick to offer a deal.
In the end, she'd pled guilty to a lesser offense. It still carried a multiple-year max sentence so it wasn't ideal, but it could've been much worse. The judge had taken multiple things into consideration when he eventually sentenced her to the county jail, something usually reserved for sentences under a year. Donna's lawyer was certain that she'd be released early and would probably only serve six months.
"Justice isn't just blind," Donna whispered, "she's psychotic and has PMS!"
"What?"
Donna snorted sarcastically.
"I said I've got to learn to not talk to myself," she replied with a small smile.
He smiled back.
"Sometimes it's the only way I know what you're thinking."
"Steve," she whispered peering intently into his face. "All you have to do is ask. I'll try to be as honest as possible."
"I know," he replied gently.
They both knew. There had been countless conversations before she was sentenced. Each one had been brutally honest and painful, and had always ended the same: with Donna depressed and Steve frustrated and angry. Donna had to admit she'd actually been relieved when she'd started serving her sentence, since it'd removed her from the tension that permeated her home and marriage.
She watched him fidget before he stammered out his first question.
"So, how are you doing?"
"Just great," she snorted. "Just yesterday, me and the girls were all lying around the pool, sunbathing... "
"That's not what I meant," he retorted with a smile.
She almost laughed at the thought of she and the other inmates all lounging around a pool. Her jail was considered one of the better ones in the state, meaning cleanest and least violent, but it would never be mistaken for a resort.
"I know. I was trying to lighten the mood a little."
She smiled at him softly. Her love for him was still strong, even though her present living conditions made the relationship very strained.
"I'm all right. Things have gotten much better. I'm lying low and trying to keep to myself. Of course, being around Mia helps."
Donna studied her husband looking for some reaction even though she knew he wouldn't show one. She'd thrown out statements like that every time he'd visited. His lack of reaction didn't deter her from believing he'd had a hand in her current situation.
Her first few weeks here had been very hard. There'd been nights she'd silently fought back her tears, but never where someone could see or hear. She couldn't completely hide her looks, and that had gathered some unwanted attention.
Shortly after she'd mentioned it to Steve, she'd met Mia. Mia was an intimidating, mid-forties, obese, heavily tattooed, mixed race woman who'd been serving the last part of her sentence after being transferred from a state medium security prison.
Without any discussion, Mia had befriended her, and the word was out that Donna was with her. To Donna's surprise, all that meant was that Mia demanded she act submissive and that she keep her mouth shut about their relationship.
She'd tried to subtly broach the subject with Mia once... but only once. Mia's outburst still made Donna shutter.
"Dammit, Snow White, why the hell would you want to fuck this all up by sticking your nose where it don't belong? Just keep that fucking mouth shut and your lily-white ass next to me and you'll get out of here with your sweet little ass and pussy intact. Understand?"
Donna understood, but she was now even more certain Steve was involved. Still, he denied it, and she certainly wasn't going to bring it up again with Mia.
"How are the kids?"
"Doing okay. Adjusting somewhat. I have some drawings I can bring if you want."
"No! I told you before that I don't want anything from them while I'm in here. Steve, it's too hard for me to be constantly reminded of what I'm missing. Please just tell them how much I love and miss them.
"They miss you."
"I miss them, too, but if I break down in here it would be very bad for me. Please don't ever bring them here, Steve. It's bad enough my husband and parents see me like this."
Donna sat back and sighed. When she'd started her sentence, her mother had moved in with Steve and the kids to help. The first week she was allowed visitation, Steve and her parents had been there. After that, Steve and her mother alternated on visitation days.
"Mom seems to be doing better."
"Glad to hear that, she's been a huge help."
"You know she was terrified you'd divorce me while I was in here and get full custody of the children. Then you'd move away and she'd never get to see her grandchildren again."
Steve grimaced and shook his head.
"I told you both I wouldn't do that. There won't be any decisions like that for the time being. We'll need to discuss that after you'd been released."
"What if I'm not released early? There's no guarantee that'll happen."
"Then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Listen, Donna, I'm trying to be as fair as I can about all this. Even with what you did... with him, I know you were trying to protect me from ending up in a place like this for life.
"Although I sometimes wonder why. Why you went to this extreme?"
"Steve," she replied quietly, "you know why."
"Yeah," he nodded, "but I need to hear it again, sometimes."
She reminded herself that this was a positive thing. It meant her husband was focusing on her actions after her slip, instead of the betrayal itself. That gave her a reason to hope.
"I'm sorry," he said breaking her thoughts. "I don't mean to make you relive it."
"No, it's all right. I know it's been difficult for you not having a clear reason why I slipped, but I know exactly why I shot Gil.
"Steve, I love you, even if my actions that night at the party didn't show it. When Gil pulled out his gun, I saw my future flash before my eyes. I saw me trying to explain to our children why their daddy couldn't come home because he was in prison. And if Gil would've shot you instead..."
Her voice cracked and she quietly gathered herself before she continued.
"I saw a life without you, and I couldn't accept that. I'd caused this, and I needed to make sure you and our family weren't hurt any worse because of my failures. I'd failed you once, and I wasn't going to fail you again. My only real regret, besides my slip, is that I closed my eyes when I shot him."
"Well, it worked out pretty well in spite of that," her husband chuckled. "Gil is probably wishing you'd killed him about now, as well."
"I was afraid the judge was going to agree with his defense," Donna said gently, "and declare him a sociopath."
"Thankfully he didn't. Although they sure showed he had several sociopathic tendencies. I mean what the hell?" Steve shook his head. "What was he even thinking?"
"I have no idea," Donna replied. "Blackmailing women you know into being your corporate whore? That's just asking to get caught. I guess it was the thrill of beating the odds that motivated him to do something so stupid. Of course, he's lucky he never went to Las Vegas."
Her husband gave her a questioning look. Donna gave him a wicked smile in return.
"He thought I would accept him blackmailing me; he was wrong. He didn't think I'd confess everything to you; again, he was wrong. He was also mistaken in believing he'd be able to leave the area quickly enough to avoid the police. With that kind of thinking and luck, he'd probably end up in a shallow grave somewhere in the desert if he'd gone to Las Vegas!"
They both laughed but then the awkward silence returned.
"You know," she said softly, "the fact he had some of those tendencies does explain some things though."
"What's that?"
"Sociopaths are expert liars. That would explain how he was able to fool us and all of our friends. It's not an excuse, Steve, but it was a factor in all this. He deceived us all but my stupidity was the worst.
Steve slowly nodded his agreement.
"So," Donna said cautiously, "did my stupidity destroy us?"
"Donna, you know where we are with that."
"I know, but like you, I need to hear it sometimes, as well."
Steve shifted uncomfortably on the bench.
"First off, I love you. I will probably love you for the rest of my life. And I've already told you that I forgave you. I won't carry that kind of anger and bitterness inside me. It's like poison.
"But Donna, that doesn't mean we're all right. You hurt me... worse than I've ever been hurt before."
"I know," she whispered. "I'm so sorry, Steve. I wish I could take it back, but I can't."
She knew this conversation would be hard. It always was. Still, he needed to vent and she needed to listen. The words he'd say would hurt, and seeing what her infidelity had done to him would be torture but it was necessary. If he didn't, it could fester and poison any chance of their marriage getting through this.
"I'm still struggling with all this, Donna. Your betrayal, Gil's betrayal. I'm not sure I would've killed him, but I'd certainly planned on hurting him that day. If he'd pulled his gun and threatened our kids... I can't say I wouldn't have shot him.
"Regardless of how all this started," he said gently. "You sacrificed yourself for me. That alone earns you the right not to have to worry about fighting a divorce while you're in here."
They sat and stared at each other for a few awkward moments before Donna spoke.
"Mom says Connie is still spending a lot of time at the house."
Steve nodded.
"I know it concerns your mother, but I couldn't just turn her away. Connie's really lost right now, Donna. With everything coming out about Gil, most everyone we know is avoiding her; she's all alone."
"Kind of like me," Donna replied softly, failing to hide her fear and jealousy.
"Yes," her husband sighed, "but she didn't do anything to deserve it. She suspected Gil was having affairs, but she didn't know about the blackmail. Sue Dalgreen said Gil even bragged that his wife was clueless about that aspect. Still, she blames herself for turning a blind eye towards Gil's cheating. She feels that if she hadn't maybe all of this could've been prevented.
"I seriously doubt that. Connie was even more of a trophy wife than any of us suspected. I'm told she's probably what's called a closet submissive. Gil completely controlled their marriage when not in public."
Donna nodded, since that would fit some of the things she now suspected about Gil and Connie. She sat silently staring at her husband, trying to form the question she dreaded to ask.
"No," Steve quietly said interrupting her thoughts. "Nothing has happened, nor will it."
"Some would think... " she started to say softly. "You would be justified, you know."
"Bullshit!" Steve snorted. The force of his reply surprised her and got the attention of one of the guards.
After a warning, Steve calmly continued.
"Yes, there've been several opportunities and Connie is definitely a very beautiful woman but... I couldn't do that to her. She was the wife of my best friend, and even though he turned out to be a piece of shit, she doesn't deserve to be used.
"If I did, I'd be taking advantage of her, playing on her guilt and fears. That's something that would change me, somehow. I could turn into someone I wouldn't like. Regardless of what happens between us, I have to keep trying to be the kind of man I want to be.
"Donna I'm trying to do the right thing here. I can't just throw away our past fifteen years, and I understand what you've done to try and make things better. And with you being here... I recognize your sacrifice. But Donna, I can't forget what you did. I'm still struggling with how you could just forget about me and our love."
Donna started to say something, but Steve cut her off.
"You say that you love me, but I have to question that. Even if it's true, is that the same love that allowed you to give another man a blowjob? Is that the same love that couldn't stop you from spreading your legs for another man in the heat of the moment?
"Donna, you're a beautiful woman, and I know guys will continue to hit on you. What happens when the next handsome stud decides he wants you? Will you be hit by some kind of Martian Slut Ray and just jump into his bed?"
His words stung, and Donna fought back a harsh reply. Her anger wasn't aimed at him, it was born out of the absurdity of her current situation. She'd betrayed her marriage; she took full responsibility for that, but it was something that had happened to countless spouses over the centuries. In her case, it had snowballed. She'd cheated, but then the supposed friend she'd cheated with tried to blackmail her. When she'd confessed to her husband, things got even more bizarre and turned into some kind of testosterone-driven, Wild West show with everyone seeming to have a gun. Then, to top it off, she'd shot Gil to protect her family, but since he didn't actually have his gun in his hand...
Now she was in jail, under the protection of a woman who scared the hell out of her while her marriage was on life support. Things hadn't just snowballed... this was a damn avalanche!
She felt like that avalanche had swept her over the side of the cliff and now her husband was the only thing holding her safety line to her past life. That feeling of helplessness was infuriating.
Donna breathed deeply, fighting back the frustration. Fair or not, things were what they were. Not everything had been lost, so there was still hope, something still left to fight for. Her marriage and family were two of those things. She knew Steve still loved her. It was damaged, probably crippled for life, but it was still there.
He'd also forgiven her. She was thankful for that, but knew what that actually meant. It was a conscious choice Steve had to make repeatedly. Someday it would be just an afterthought, but for now it was a day-to-day occurrence. She also knew that even though her slip had been forgiven, the memory of it would never completely go away. There would always be the scars.
Donna sighed to herself.
She realized the greatest obstacle facing them now was simply... trust. Her actions had destroyed one of the key foundations on which their marriage had been built. Now, there was a chasm where there'd once been solid bedrock.
Trust could be rebuilt, but it would never be like it was before. The healing would be long and very painful. Was it worth it? Was their marriage worth the hurt, anger and hard work that the future now held?
She believed it was, and she hoped Steve felt the same. She also knew the war that was raging in her husband wasn't in his heart; it was in his mind.
The question of whether she'd ever cheat on him again was at the center. It was a battle of logic vs faith vs fear. It was a battle she was losing. She'd had plenty of time to think about this. Time to think was something in abundance to someone in jail.
One of the key sticking points was that she didn't have a solid reason for her slip. She knew it was something that was tearing at her husband's thoughts. His Martian Slut Ray comment attested to that. She knew she'd have to logically give Steve something that wouldn't insult his reasoning. The "if you don't know why something happened how can you guard against it" argument was something that wouldn't be overcome easily or quickly. Nevertheless, it had to be dealt with, and immediately. Steve needed something that he could logically grab on to help him work past the lingering doubt.
Gathering her thoughts, she proceeded to state her case.
"Steve," she began softly, "you've asked how you can be certain that this will never happen again. The answer is, unfortunately, you can't. I wish there was something I could do or say that could assure you that I will never fall again, but there's no way you'll ever be completely certain.
"In fairness, no one can ever be one hundred percent sure that they or someone they love won't fall. That being said, I can honestly tell you that the chances of me falling before my slip were greater than they are now."
"I don't know how you..."
"Please let me explain. I know that many people say once a cheater always a cheater, but that's not completely true. That's like saying an addict can never break an addiction or a teenager that shoplifts will always be a thief or a student that goes on drinking binges in college will be a drunk the rest of their life. I realize that once someone has cheated, cheating a second time is easier and a third time even easier.
But Steve, people change, sometimes for the better other times for the worse. Hopefully, we all learn from our mistakes but many of us don't. Still, everyone changes just like people's circumstances change. That's why no one can be completely immune. That's also why I can honestly tell you that I'll be even less likely to slip again."
She could see her husband struggling with that logic, but she was thankful he was allowing her to explain her thoughts.
"Steve, we were both betrayed. I say both of us, because you trusted him as a good friend and I stupidly believed I was safe. We were both wrong.
"We were both naïve. We were like those living in a gated community and believing they're safe from crime. Are they safer? Of course, but they're not immune. Regrettably, we forgot that. We ended up being deceived by someone within our community.
"Steve, Gil got me because I was arrogant and careless. I trusted him, myself and the situation and let him get behind my defenses. That level of trust will NEVER happen again!
"Unfortunately, it'll also limit my trust for anyone else. I doubt I'll ever be able to fully trust any of our friends again. Oh, I'll trust them enough to interact with them, even share some things occasionally, but it'll never be like it was. It's like a home security system, never allowing anyone to get that close again.
"But a home security system is only good against threats outside the home. I know I broke our marriage and now you don't trust me. You shouldn't! I've shown that I can fall. I failed us in a way neither of us ever expected.
"And now," she continued calmly, "that lack of trust will help make sure this doesn't happen again. You will be naturally more suspicious, and me, I'll be even more cautious. I'll never be able to trust myself because I'll always know that if the circumstances are right, I could fall. In many ways, I'll be like a recovering addict, always avoiding any possible temptations.
"But Steve, I believe that in time, I'll be able to earn back some of that trust. It'll never be the same, but it can still be good. What I'm praying for is that the love you still have for me, along with our devotion to our children, will allow you to give me a chance to begin to earn back your trust.
"I know it's selfish, but I want the chance to help heal some of the wounds I've caused. I love you and I CAN promise you I'll do everything I can to help heal our family."
Steve sat there quietly, processing what she'd said.
"Thank you," he finally said gently. "It helps, but I'll need to take what you just said and think about it. I love you, too, Donna, but I'm not sure I can get past this. I know our friends and family have their opinions on what I should do. I'm not trying to sound self-righteous, but in the end, I'm the one who has to look himself in the mirror and live with my choices.
"And if you can't?" Donna whispered.
Steve stared silently at her for several moments. She could see the myriad of emotions playing out across his face.
"I don't know. I guess we'll have to face that if it happens."
The following months were difficult, but Donna quickly fell into a routine. She had too much time to think. That was both a blessing and a curse. Her fears were somewhat alleviated when her mother informed her that Connie had moved back to the East Coast.
Donna made sure to keep as low of a profile as possible and was rewarded by being left alone. She kept her mouth shut, her ears open and stayed in Mia's shadow. Soon, she'd gathered enough information to guess the reason behind Mia's unexpected generosity.
Mia's two daughters and grandchildren had been accepted into a program that relocated them from the crime ridden slum they were living in into a decent suburb, and a small remodeled house. It didn't take a genius to figure out Bellows Construction had been an integral part of that. It was the sort of project their business had participated in before.
Obviously, Steve had pulled some strings to get Mia's family as the recipient of that project. Donna doubted that he'd done anything illegal, but figured there were reasons Steve would've thought it best if there weren't many questions. She decided to just let it go.
Even though her lawyer assured her she'd only serve six months behind bars, the reality was that early release isn't a given and even when it is granted it's rarely at the expected time. It finally came after Donna had served ten months.
Soon after hearing of her pending release, Donna began to truly fight the demons plaguing her thoughts of the future. They were strong and merciless as they fed upon her fears concerning her marriage. Steve had been true to his word and there had been no discussion of divorce, but that mountain was soon going to have to be faced. Donna had had countless hours to try and come up with a plan to try and convince Steve to try to save their marriage. She knew counseling would need to be a part of it, but also knew Steve didn't think much of that idea. As a consequence, both joy and fear filled her when she was released. Not surprisingly, Steve was there to pick her up.
Their first non-monitored hug in over ten months was awkward, at best. They both struggled to look each other in the eye. Quickly, she got into their car, fighting back her rising fears.
Steve called her parents to let them know they were headed home while handing her a thick manila envelope. Donna almost panicked before she realized that instead of the divorce papers she feared, it was filled with letters and drawings from the children.
Donna fought back the overwhelming emotions. Months of suppressing every feeling allowed her to read each letter and study each drawing without breaking down.
The rest of the drive home was eerily silent and uncomfortable. It was only broken up with short bursts of conversation, mainly Steve updating her on the children.
Occasionally, she'd glance over at her husband, trying to read his thoughts and feelings. His face showed so many emotions that it was unreadable, and Donna quietly accepted the fact that he was as confused as she was on how to proceed.
As they pulled into their driveway, Donna could see a small crowd in her front yard. She recognized her parents and her friends among her welcoming party. Her heart began to race as she read the Welcome Home banner that was strung across her front porch. She had barely gotten out of the car before she was swarmed by three small bodies that clung tightly to her.
Though she'd tried to fight it, her tears began to trickle down her face. Months of conditioning crumbled. All it took was three little voices screaming out the word... "MOMMY!"
Over the next several minutes, Donna was hugged and kissed by a multitude of well-wishers, all the while her children were huddled around her. She couldn't help but continuously touch each child and gently stroke their hair. Their world had been turned upside down, just like their parent's had. She swore to herself that their family would be her greatest priority. She vowed to fight for her marriage with everything she had and somehow provide a secure home life for them all.
She was so wrapped in her thoughts that he surprised her. He'd backed off to allow her to be with their children and to greet her well-wishers. Now she sensed his presence before she felt his gentle touch on her shoulders.
His warm breath on the back of her neck caused chills to run all over her body. He'd leaned in to speak words for her ears only. Everything inside Donna screamed for her to turn around and launch herself into his arms, to declare her love and beg him to at least try to save their marriage. Her heart almost stopped when she finally comprehended what he was whispering.
"I know it's been hard and the road ahead won't be much easier. I don't like it, but I recognize we'll need outside help. I... I'd like to try and make this marriage work if you still want to."
Donna turned and looked at him stunned. She could feel her heart fill with a real hope that had been lost for so long. Silently, she nodded as her eyes filled again with a fresh wave of tears.
"I love you, Donna," he said gently. "Welcome home, my wife."
Nearly a year's worth of guilt, pain and anguish came rushing to the top. With her husband's arms safely holding her and her children's arms around her waist and legs, she let it out. She buried her face in his chest and wept.
Donna Bellows was finally... home.
