THE PRENUP by StoneyWebb
My life is totally fucked up. I had just gotten home from work when my wife of twelve years, Lisa, started screaming at me. I had been dreading this moment but knew it was coming one day. In an effort of full disclosure, my wife had a right to be furious with me; I was cheating on her. But in my own defense, she was cheating on me, and her cheating started at least six months before mine. And while I had known about Lisa's infidelity for years, apparently, she had only just discovered mine.
Like I said, my life is totally fucked up, and I'm pretty sure none of you will believe me when I tell you about it. Hell, If I weren't living it, I wouldn't believe it either.
As soon as I opened the front door, Lisa screamed at the top of her lungs, "YOU"RE A FUCKING PIG!" From there, the conversation went downhill. In fact, as I think back on it, Lisa's opening remarks were the kindest things she said about me during her tirade. While I was only catching every third word, it was crystal clear that Lisa had discovered that I had a special lady friend, and she was less than pleased.
Even if I could have gotten a word in edgewise, I couldn't think of anything to say that would calm the situation. So, I just stood there, staring at the floor, trying to figure out what the best escape route would be if Lisa became violent.
Finally, when Lisa had calmed down, she said, "Well, what do you have to say for yourself. Why shouldn't I just file for divorce?"
"Well, to begin with," I said softly. "I know you've been having an affair for the last nine years. So, I agree, we probably should get a divorce."
"What? What are you talking about?" Lisa was stunned, and the color had drained from her face.
I reached into my briefcase and pulled out several pictures, which I gave to Lisa. They were pictures of her infidelity.
I wasn't sure what to expect but what I got totally surprised me. I should explain that Lisa is incredibly wealthy and could send an army of lawyers against me. But, instead of the angry explosion I expected, Lisa dropped the pictures and started to sob. Then she looked at me with an expression of total agony and loss.
What she said next totally stunned me.
"I don't want a divorce. I love you." Then she fled to our bedroom.
Her reaction stunned me and left me even more confused than I normally am. Lisa is the most beautiful woman I had ever known. I never expected, in my wildest imagination, that we would ever wind up together. And when we did marry, I expected Lisa to grow tired of our relationship and kick me to the curb within a year or two.
One of the quirks about our marriage was that Lisa's family was incredibly wealthy and insisted on a prenuptial agreement. I, of course, agreed. However, one clause almost caused me to walk away. Lisa insisted that the prenuptial agreement state that there would be no children from this marriage, and I finally agreed. I thought long and hard about that clause, but by then, I was hopelessly in love with Lisa. However, by this story's end, I would wind up with four kids. Did I mention that my life was totally fucked up?
I suppose I should give a little backstory to all this. Lisa Gravois is my wife. My name is David Toddman. Obviously, my wife didn't take my last name. Long story short, Lisa's family owns one of the most exclusive perfume companies in the world, and the family name is branded. And since Lisa is part owner of the business, Gravois Scents, it made sense for her to keep her maiden name. At first, I wasn't thrilled with the idea, but over the years, it has worked out quite nicely for me. Because Lisa kept her last name and I kept mine, many people don't realize that we're married. It gives me a certain amount of anonymity.
I truly meant what I said at the beginning of this story. When we married, I couldn't believe that Lisa had chosen me. I mean, she was a stunning beauty, and she still is. Lisa's almost six feet tall with long black hair and the deepest blue eyes you'll ever see. She had the figure of a model with slightly larger breasts. In fact, Lisa did model for a short time in her teens. I'm not a bad-looking guy, but I'm no movie star. I'm an inch over six feet, with sandy-colored hair, and I keep myself in shape. Even so, Lisa was way out of my league, and I knew it.
I met Lisa at a party thrown by my college roommate and his wife in the Hamptons. He was a commodities trader and was doing extremely well. His wife Beth went to Vassar with Lisa, and they were very close friends.
When I was introduced to Lisa, I was duly impressed, as was every other male in the room. I mean, she just radiates sex and beauty. She had all the single guys and most married ones drooling. But as I said, she was out of my league, so I started chatting up some of the other single women in the room. I have a friend who once advised me to only date girls in my league or even poach in some of the lower leagues. Otherwise, you'd waste your evening talking up a woman that was going to leave with someone else.
I know it sounds like a "chicken shit" dating philosophy, and I don't wholly subscribe to it. However, I do admit that I practice a modified version. I simply classify women as to whether I feel that they're out of my league or not. Why should I spend my time on a girl who will shoot me down anyway? I believe in being realistic. The only exception is if there is a girl obviously out of my league but known to be easy, then I'll take a shot.
However, every time I turned around this particular night, Lisa seemed to be at my elbow. The first few times, I chalked it up to coincidence, but by the fourth time, it became clear that Lisa was interested in me. I was flattered but also uncomfortable. I figured she was slumming, and when she got tired of me, she'd toss me back. I wasn't interested in being someone's pet project for the month.
Maybe that was her plan, but I didn't let it get far enough to discuss it. Yet, after that party, Lisa pursued me. As I said, I'm an alright-looking guy, but what the hell did Lisa Gravois want with me. I was just a software salesman. Don't get me wrong, I'm a damn good software salesman. And after only four years working for the same company, I was one of the Senior Sales Directors with a salary in the mid-five figure range. But that's peanuts to what Lisa makes. Her salary without bonuses is forty million dollars a year. So, I think you can understand why I thought Lisa was just playing with me.
Perhaps my disinterest spurred Lisa on, but in the end, she wore me down. It took her four weeks to get me to go on a date with her. It took six months before we slept together and a little over a year before we married. It was an embarrassingly extravagant wedding. There were six hundred guests, and I heard it cost about six million dollars. But that's chicken feed to one of the heirs to the Gravois fortune.
Of course, her family insisted that I sign a pre-nuptial agreement. I know Lisa was embarrassed to ask me, but I had no objections. I understood the necessity of having one, and besides, I made a good salary on my own. So, I didn't care about her money. Yet, when I agreed to sign, Lisa was as happy as could be. She told me that her family would disown her if she married me without the agreement. But according to Lisa, she was going to marry me come hell or high water. Still, I couldn't help but wonder how long the marriage would last.
According to the prenup, if we got divorced before three years, I would only get $500,000. That absolutely flabbergasted me. I had never heard anyone put "only" before $500,000. But it got better. Every year we stayed married over the three years, I would receive an additional $500,000 or a pro-rata share for whatever percentage of the year we were still husband and wife. In case of a divorce, Lisa could make no claims against my assets. On the other hand, I couldn't make any claims against any of her assets either. But the best part about the whole agreement was that I got to sleep with the most beautiful woman in the world, and if she kicked me to the curb, I'd get at least $500,000.
Of course, the prenup spelled out that we both agreed to forego having children. While I finally agreed to that stipulation, Lisa's parents were decidedly unhappy with the no children clause. But Lisa did not have a close relationship with her parents. Apparently, she only saw them during board meetings, and she claimed that they liked her brothers better than her. Besides, she had already had the battle over no children with them years ago. Not surprisingly, we saw very little of them over the years. And when they did come to visit, it was very awkward, especially for me because they looked at me as something lower than pond scum.
I have to say that the first three years of marriage were really great. I really believed she did love me during those blissful years. But shortly after our third anniversary, I discovered that Lisa was cheating on me.
Our marriage was really unconventional. Lisa traveled extensively for the company. I would say that she was gone about a week out of every month. And in the early years, I traveled with her as often as possible. Sometimes she was home for five or six weeks in a row, but those times were rare. However, whenever she returned home, she'd flat wear me out in the bedroom.
My discovery of Lisa's cheating started with a picture in the newspaper. Because of who Lisa is, she is frequently mentioned or pictured on the society pages. So, I religiously scanned that section of the paper every day. On one particular day, I just glanced at a picture from a party in Paris, and I almost missed it. It finally took a magnifying glass to confirm what I thought the picture showed. On the right side of this particular picture, I saw someone that looked like Lisa. With a magnifying glass, I confirmed it. So, you're probably saying, "What's the big deal?" It was a big deal because, at that particular moment, Lisa was supposed to be in Japan, negotiating something for the company.
Still, there could be many reasons why Lisa was in Paris. But I couldn't think of why she'd change her trip and not tell me. Still, I needed to find out more. This could have been a simple last-minute snafu in her schedule. But I had to find out what was going on. When we were first married, Lisa asked me to quit my job, so I could travel with her. I told her I didn't want to be a kept man. Eventually, she stopped asking.
One of the things about marrying into a family like Lisa's is that you have almost unlimited resources. However, I didn't want to use any of Lisa's money because I knew she was very detailed and would know if I did. But I had my own checking account where my salary was deposited. Mostly, I used that money to buy Lisa birthday and Christmas presents. That is not an easy task when you're buying for someone who has everything.
It was bugging the shit out of me, and I couldn't sleep or eat. I had to know what was happening, so I used my personal funds and hired a PI firm. Yet, even doing that, I had to be careful. I selected an investigation firm I knew the Gravois companies had never used before, a well-respected firm out of St. Louis.
After I discovered the picture in the paper, I realized that Lisa's schedule had her traveling considerably more than when we first married. With the new schedule, she was gone for an average of two weeks out of every month. Still, I was confused because our sex life was still great. Lisa always seemed genuinely sad when she had to travel and very happy when she returned. I almost convinced myself that I was being paranoid.
Anyway, a month later, I learned that I wasn't paranoid. I got the report with the pictures, and it hurt like hell. I had never experienced that kind of pain. The PI's report identified Lisa's lover as Gerard Lavelle, whose family was in banking. They owned banks all over Europe, and Gerard was the president of the family holding company. Lisa and Gerard grew up together, and at one time, everyone thought they would get married. But then Gerard and Lisa broke up. Lisa married me, and Gerard married a Greek woman named Theresa Apopolis. Theresa's father was into shipping in a big way. Gerard and Theresa had three children.
According to the PI's report, Gerard and Lisa broke up because he wanted children and Lisa was adamant about wanting none. Apparently, Gerard's family had threatened to disinherit him if he agreed to Lisa's demand of no children. Then I read in the report that Gerard's wife had died six months before. So, now Gerard was free to be with Lisa.
I walked about in a funk for five days as I tried to puzzle out what was going on. Obviously, Gerard had been Lisa's first love, and apparently, they had rekindled their relationship. I didn't understand why Lisa hadn't filed for divorce. In fact, I was totally confused because every time she came home, Lisa would smother me with love. If I didn't know better, I would swear the woman loved only me. Not only did Lisa seem genuinely thrilled to see me, but our lovemaking was tremendous. You're beginning to see how fucked up my life was, but it was going to get worse.
My first reaction to the PI's report was to confront Lisa and divorce her. But I thought long and hard about it, and came up with three reasons that kept me from doing anything. First, I still loved Lisa, and when we were together, I felt she truly loved me. Second, the sex was mind-blowing, and lastly, the prenup. From purely a mercenary standpoint, I was earning $1370 for every day I stayed married to Lisa.
I finally decided what I was going to do after Lisa tried to destroy me with sex before jetting off on another trip. In my mind, I said, "Screw it, I'll stay married, but I won't stay faithful."
Even after making that decision, I was going back and forth about whether I could really go through with cheating on Lisa. As I pondered my dilemma one day, one of my saleswomen popped her head into my office.
Her name was Thelma Johnson, and she was a fairly attractive woman. Still, Thelma wasn't even close to Lisa's level, but she had a hot body and a warm and friendly personality. Where Thelma was a solid 8 1/2, Lisa was an 11 or 12.
"David, you've been distracted all week," she told me. "Is there anything I can do to help?"
I really liked Thelma, and she was an excellent saleswoman. She had recently divorced her husband after catching him screwing the mail lady on the kitchen table. Needless to say, in addition to getting a divorce, Thelma got a new kitchen table. I was surprised that she hadn't been as broken up about the divorce as I thought she would be. This wasn't the first time she'd caught her husband with his dick in another woman.
Thelma had worked closely with me for over six months to bring in the Harris Enterprise contract. That one contract secured our bonuses for the year. I knew Thelma was attracted to me, but we had always kept a professional relationship between us. Still, Thelma was a good listener, so I decided to ask her about my dilemma with Lisa.
"Yeah," I admitted, "I am distracted. I just found out that Lisa is cheating on me. The question I've been wrestling with is, do I divorce her, or ignore it?"
"That should be a no-brainer," Thelma said quickly. "Divorce the bitch and move on."
"It's not as simple as all that," I explained. "I signed a prenup with Lisa. Every year I stay married to Lisa, I get $500,000. That means that every day I stay married, I earn close to $1400, which isn't chump change."
I then cataloged all of the other perks available by remaining married to Lisa -- the fancy cars, the parties, the clothes, the expensive watches, and travel on the company jet. Thelma admitted that it was indeed something that had to be considered carefully. She promised to give it some thought that night and let me know if she came up with anything.
I was still wrestling with my problem the next day when Thelma came into my office and closed the door.
"I think I might have a solution to your problem," she said as she sat across from me.
"Really, what do you think I should do about Lisa?" I asked.
"I think you should stay with her," Thelma answered and continued, "with certain modifications."
"Oh, and what modifications should I make?" I asked, smiling. I was sure that Thelma would suggest that I stay married and just cheat on Lisa. I admit that I was leaning more and more in that direction, but I still hadn't convinced myself to go all-in on the cheating idea. Even though I still did love Lisa, her betrayal cut deeply, and I was having a hard time dealing with it. But what Thelma actually suggested shocked the hell out of me.
"As I said, I think you should stay married to Lisa, but you should engage in an affair of your own."
I raised my hand to stop her from going further. "I've already considered that."
"No, my plan is more involved than just that," Thelma interrupted. "Please let me explain, and let me finish before you throw me out of your office."
"Okay," I said as I lifted my hands up toward her, "the floor is yours."
"David, I believe you are wrestling with this decision for two reasons," Thelma began. "First, because, despite what Lisa has done, you still love her. You can't imagine a life without her. Also, even though you have given a lot of thought to just having affairs of your own, it doesn't satisfy you in one important aspect. You've told me several times that you really wanted to have children. So, just having affairs doesn't solve that desire of yours. Yes, you could get your mistress pregnant, but that would be messy and almost certainly end your marriage to Lisa."
"All this is true," I interjected, "but I don't see where it helps me solve my problem."
"I believe I can be the solution," Thelma said, smiling warmly at me.
"What? You're proposing to be my mistress?"
"Technically, yes," she said with a sly smile. "But what I want is much more."
"I'm not sure I like the sound of this," I said with concern.
"No, no, David. Let me finish."
I nodded for her to proceed.
"You've known me since before you and Lisa married," Thelma continued. "I know you feel that Lisa married beneath herself, but I've never seen it that way. She's damn lucky to have you, and she is a fool risking losing you. But since Lisa has decided to be a fool, I'm not going to pass up on this opportunity. You know my dating history has been sorry, to say the least. I always seem to wind up with the worst of men. I had great trepidations even before I got married last year. I could sense that Fred and I weren't suited to each other, but he seemed kind and loving on the surface. Only after we were married did I learn he was a jealous and controlling prick, and he couldn't keep his dick in his pants."
I just nodded and let Thelma continue.
"I've always been attracted to you, but you never seemed interested in me. We've been good friends for years, but you never thought of me in a romantic sense. I accepted that, and I knew I could never compete when Lisa came on the scene. But Lisa has allowed the door to drift open, and I intend to see if I can step through before it closes."
So far, Thelma's explanation had revealed nothing of how her plan deviated from just taking a mistress.
"The two things you say you want concern Lisa and having children. You have been horribly hurt by Lisa's affair and want to strike back at her. At the same time, even though you haven't made a big deal about it, it's clear to me that you want to have children. I can provide both. After the disaster of my marriage, I decided I never wanted to get married again. However, I desperately want to have children. I propose that I become your mistress and have your children. I know you don't love me, but I think you do care about me. We would keep our affair quiet, which would allow you to stay married to Lisa. At the same time, I would have your children. We both win."
I would be lying if I didn't admit that I was shocked and intrigued by what Thelma was proposing. It was totally fucked up, but I loved the idea. Still, I could see difficulties with the arrangement. So, I began to enumerate a few.
"First of all, thank you for this offer," I said kindly. "I am truly flattered, and it is far more generous than I have a right to expect. But I see several problems. Let me list a few. The finances would be complicated, then the raising of the children, the children's last name, and what if you decide in the future, you want to get married?"
"I realized the same problems," Thelma admitted. "But let me see if I can address them. As to finances, I own my own home. All I would ask is that we split the expenses of any children. I would have your name on the birth certificates as the father, but until you decide otherwise, they will use my last name. Even though I don't think I will want to get married in the future, I'm wise enough to know that you can never say never. So, I propose we have a written agreement. In that agreement, we insert a clause that allows either of us to cancel the contract with six months' notice. If I should remarry, you will have the right to decide custody. If you decide to terminate our agreement, I will have custody of the children, but you will have liberal visitation rights. In either event, you will still be acknowledged as the father."
We sat there looking at each other, but neither of us said anything right away. Finally, I broke the silence. "I have to admit that I am very intrigued by your offer. However, I'm not ready to commit to it just yet. Why don't we go out on a few dates to see if we're compatible?"
Thelma agreed, and we started dating. The first few were just dinner and dancing. Then we did dinner and the theater. I found that going out with Thelma was fun. She was warm and funny. It certainly beat the hell out of sitting at home waiting for Lisa to return from one of her trips. On the fifth date, we did some heavy necking in the car when I took Thelma home.
After our sixth date, Thelma said, "We are certainly compatible on our dates. Now let's see if we're compatible in bed."
Sex with Lisa could be mind-blowing, so I didn't know what to expect with Thelma. As we stripped, I realized that Thelma, with her clothes off, ranked closer to a 9. Thelma was shorter than Lisa and plumper. But her body was very soft and sexy.
I don't like wasting energy or cum getting a blow job. In my mind, blow jobs were for when you didn't have much time. Yet, I wanted to get Thelma hot and lubricated, so I went down on her. To me, Lisa and Thelma tasted great but different.
I then fingered Thelma while I sucked on one of her tits. She had a massive orgasm. When her breathing evened out a little, she told me she wanted me inside her. I hesitated because I didn't have any rubbers. Thelma told me that she was still on the pill.
Thelma wasn't as tight as Lisa, but she sure felt wonderful. I stroked in and out of her pussy until I felt her vagina tighten around my penis as she screamed in delight. At that point, I couldn't hold it any longer, and I shot one rope after another into her.
We did it twice more before I headed back home. I thought I'd feel guilty about cheating on Lisa, but I didn't. In fact, being with Thelma had eased my bruised ego somewhat.
The next day, Thelma came into my office glowing. After she closed the door, she came around my desk and gave me a scorching kiss. "I think after last night, we know that we are compatible. So, what do you want to do now?"
I grinned from ear to ear. "Why don't you see if you can find an attorney that has nothing to do with this company or any of Lisa's companies. Have them draw up an agreement. Then we'll see where it goes from there."
Thelma smiled broadly. "I know the perfect lawyer, my brother, Tim. He and I are very close. He also knows I'm kind of flaky, and he warned me against marrying Fred."
So, off Thelma went, and I went back to work. As the days passed, I thought about the idea less and less. And since Thelma didn't mention it, I thought she might have had second thoughts. In any event, I wasn't going to bring the subject up. Besides, I was moving more and more to the idea that I should just divorce Lisa and take my lumps financially. At least, it wouldn't be like what happens to most husbands in a divorce. They wind up getting screwed in every way possible.
In many cases, these men deserve to be screwed. But in many other cases, it's the wife who deserves to be burned to the ground. In my case, I'd, at least, wind up with a pile of money.
Thelma strode into my office two weeks after our discussion and closed the door. She put the completed agreement on my desk. "Take however much time you want to go over it. Make any changes you want. If we both agree, we'll sign it in front of my brother. He'll have the necessary witnesses and a notary present."
I was surprised because Thelma had not said another word about the proposal since our night together, and we hadn't been on another date. I was sure that the idea was dead. But now, the agreement was sitting on my desk. It's amazing how quickly my thoughts shifted back to taking Thelma as my mistress and having children with her.
Thelma's brother had been very thorough. He even covered items neither Thelma nor I had ever considered. One that struck me was what would happen to the children if something happened to Thelma or me. That one chilled me to the bone. Tim's solution was straightforward. If Thelma should die, Tim agreed that he and his wife would raise the children if I continued on with Lisa. If at that point, I wanted to acknowledge the children, I would get them. If I chose to stay with Lisa, I would still be allowed complete access to any children Thelma and I would have. And, if they hadn't already been told, they would be informed that I was their father. If I should die, the children's names would be changed to my last name. I would leave my estate to them, which would be administered as a trust until they reached the age of twenty-five.
I was still wrestling with a decision when Lisa told me on a Monday that her travel schedule would increase slightly the following year. That decided it for me. The next day, I told Thelma to arrange a meeting with her brother.
The meeting with Thelma's brother, Tim, was very business-like. Regardless of what he thought about this agreement personally, it was clear he loved his sister and was willing to do anything to see her happy.
"David, you are one lucky son of a bitch," Tim said as he shook his head. "I've seen pictures of your wife, and she's gorgeous. And my sister is a real looker also. God, I'm jealous."
I laughed at what Tim said, but Thelma just glared at her brother. "Tim, Gloria is a beautiful woman, and you're damn lucky to have her."
"I know, sis, but it would be even better if my secretary wanted a deal like this," Tim chuckled and then said quickly. "I'm just kidding. Gloria is more than enough woman for me. Besides, she'd cut my balls off if I suggested something like this."
That satisfied Thelma, and she smiled. We then turned our attention back to the agreement. One of the items in the agreement was that we would try to arrange our sexual encounters to occur when Lisa was away on her trips. Of course, early on, that had to be modified so that we could have sex when Thelma was most fertile.
Thelma, to my delight, looked ravishing in her teddy that first night. Her body was voluptuous and warm. Both of us were so aroused. Thelma came almost as soon as I slipped my finger into her sopping wet vagina. I was so excited that I came within a minute the first time I slid into her. After that, we took our time, and by morning we were both sated and a little sore.
In the office, Thelma and I kept up a totally professional relationship. Thelma also told anyone who would listen that she was done with dating but intended to get pregnant by artificial means. Three months after our first encounter, Thelma called me to tell me that she was pregnant.
We maintained our sex life for as long as possible throughout the pregnancy. When Thelma went to the hospital to give birth, I was somewhat upset that I couldn't be present. But we both knew that simply wasn't possible with Lisa at home. However, as soon as it was respectable, I was at the hospital to see both Thelma and my new son, Gavin. We had agreed on the name; it was her grandfather's.
Eighteen months later, Jennifer was born, and it was then that Thelma asked if I would agree to allow her to be a stay-at-home mom. She said she had enough money to carry her for five years, and by then, both kids would be in school. I told her I was thrilled she could be with our kids full time. I even arranged to pay Thelma's mortgage and utilities from a fund I had set up secretly.
As it turned out, we weren't planning on any additional kids, but one of Lisa's trips came when Thelma was ovulating. Apparently, she had miscounted the days. In any event, she called me one day in tears to tell me about the pregnancy. Thelma was afraid that I'd be angry with her. Instead, I told her I loved her and all of my children.
Scottie was born while Lisa was away on a trip, so I got to be in the delivery room when my son came into this world. I was so happy that I was floating on a cloud for days. Before our third child was born, Thelma and I agreed that we should ensure that we didn't have anymore. The question was whether I would get a vasectomy or Thelma would get her tubes tied. We decided to let a coin toss decide. It came up heads, so Thelma had her tubes tied.
Life was going along great as far as I was concerned until Lisa's travel schedule suddenly stopped. That threw a monkey wrench into Thelma and my plans. If Lisa wasn't running off to cheat with Gerard, I felt funny running off the cheat with Thelma. I know that doesn't make sense, but if you think about it, our entire situation doesn't make sense. Up until Lisa's curtailed travel, she had seemed happy, I was happy, and Thelma was thrilled.
As the weeks moved onto months, both Lisa and Thelma were getting more and more upset with me. Lisa wanted me to do even more things with her. She said we had drifted apart, and she wanted to reconnect. Thelma was frustrated and unhappy because we hadn't made love in almost six weeks. I was still having sex with Lisa, but I was feeling guilty about that, so I wasn't performing well or not at all on occasion. My life was completely fucked up, and I didn't know what to do to untangle it.
Then I came home that day to find that Lisa had discovered I had cheated.
"I think you're right; we probably should get a divorce," I said, relieved that maybe this was the way out of my predicament.
Lisa looked at me with total shock and burst into tears. Lisa said she loved me and didn't want a divorce before running to our bedroom. Her reaction totally took me by surprise. So, I followed her to continue the discussion and found her lying face down on our bed, crying her eyes out.
I sat down next to her and pulled her into my arms. "You were right, Lisa. We have been drifting apart for years. I thought you wanted a divorce."
"No, I don't want a divorce," she was able to get out.
"Then why did you bring it up?" I asked, totally confused.
"I thought it would shock you into realizing that we need to work on our marriage," Lisa said between sobs.
"Oh," I said, struggling with what to say next.
"Look, Lisa," I said as I ran my fingers nervously through my hair. "I've known about your affair with Gerard for years. I just figured that you guys were now ready to commit to each other."
"Oh my God, no," she gasped. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"
"At first, I was so hurt that I intended to confront you and ask for a divorce," I explained. "But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I'd be hurting myself financially. But even more than that, I still loved you so much. However, I was hurting so badly that I was almost prepared to begin divorce proceedings anyway. But then a woman in my office convinced me there was another way."
Lisa was struggling to process this whole situation. Until today, she had never suspected that I knew about her affair, and until recently, she never had an inkling about mine.
"So, you have a mistress!" Lisa cried with tears running down her cheeks. "You lousy bastard. Get out and leave me alone."
This situation was getting more unbelievable by the minute. Why the hell was she mad at me for having an affair when she started having an affair before me. I decided that this was a great opportunity to beat a hasty retreat and spend some quality time with Thelma and the kids. This situation was so bad that I couldn't believe it could get any more fucked up. But I was wrong.
When I showed up at Thelma's, she all but attacked me. Before I could explain what was happening, she dragged me into the bedroom, and we had sex twice in the space of fifteen minutes. We finally talked when Thelma came down from her climax and laid next to me.
"I thought you had lost interest in me," she said meekly. "Now that Lisa was there all the time, I figured you didn't need me anymore. I was going out of my mind thinking about how life would be without you."
I then explained to Thelma about the strange conversation I had with Lisa and her emotional outburst. This, in turn, started Thelma crying. My head was spinning so fast that I was getting dizzy.
"Now, why are you crying?" I asked when she finally calmed down a little.
"Because it's obvious that she is still madly in love with you and will do anything to get you back and keep you."
"That doesn't make any sense at all," I protested. "To begin with, Lisa told me to leave. Second, she has been happily carrying on an affair for eight or nine years. How could she possibly be in love with me?"
"I don't know," Thelma cried. "But something has changed, and she definitely wants to keep you. It's not fair. She threw you away, and I want you."
Nothing made sense anymore, so I kissed Thelma, made love to her again, and then went to sleep. We made love again in the morning, and I was off to the office. Maybe there, I'd be able to make sense of the mess my life had turned into.
But you know the expression, "the best-laid plans of mice and men?" Well, it was on full display that morning. When I arrived at work, Lisa was sitting in my office and didn't look happy.
"Good Morning, Lisa," I said tentatively. "I don't remember you ever coming to my office before. So, why are you here today?"
"You know very well why I'm here," Lisa snapped at me. "We need to discuss your affair."
At that, I quickly closed the door and retreated to my chair. "Okay, what do you want to discuss?"
"For starters, who is she?"
"Her name is Thelma Johnson, and she used to work for me. Wait, didn't you have a private investigator tail me or something?"
"No, one of my friends saw you playing kissy-face in a restaurant the other day. My friend tried to follow your girlfriend after you gave her a passionate kiss but lost her.
"Do you intend to keep seeing her?"
"Oh boy," was all that I could think to say.
"Well, do you intend to keep seeing her?"
"Lisa, you aren't going to like what I have to tell you, but you need to hear it. After I tell you everything, I think you'll agree that we need to get divorced."
Sadness flooded into Lisa's eyes, but she nodded.
"If only you had kept going on your trips, we wouldn't be having this conversation," I began.
"What do my trips have to do with this?" Lisa asked sharply.
"I told you that I knew about your affair, Lisa," I said abruptly. "I know that you meet up with Gerard during your trips. So, Thelma and I would get together while you were away. You know what's good for the goose is good for the gander."
My attempt at humor went over like a lead balloon. So, I decided to continue. "I decided that since you were having an affair, I could also. I tried to limit my sexual encounters to just those times that you were away. But we had extra sessions when Thelma was fertile so she could get pregnant."
"You have a child!" Lisa shouted as she jumped to her feet.
"Please lower your voice and sit down," I demanded. "No, we don't have a child; we have three children. Before you start, you know I always wanted to have children, and you didn't."
After several long minutes with me trying to get a response from Lisa, she said, "I see. I need to think about all this."
With that, she got up and left. I figured it would take a day, maybe two, for the company lawyers to draw up the divorce papers. During that time, I decided not to take a chance on how angry Lisa was, so I stayed with Thelma.
That night with Thelma was a welcome relief, and yes, she fucked my brains out. And yes, I loved every minute of it. But I got a call from Lisa, at my office, the following morning.
I figured it was a courtesy call, letting me know the divorce papers were on the way. However, what Lisa had to say was the last thing I expected in the world. She wanted to meet Thelma and my children.
"Look, Lisa," I took a hard line. "I know you're pissed at me, and we can argue whether it's justified, but I'm not going to let you drag my kids into this. And I for sure will not let you abuse them or Thelma."
"David," she said calmly, "on all that is holy, I swear, I will do nothing to embarrass, insult, demean, or in any way hurt your children, Thelma, or you. I truly do want to meet your children, and I desperately want to talk to Thelma. Also, I'll have a fully registered nanny to look after the children while we talk. After we meet, if you want to go ahead with the divorce, I'll more than honor the agreement we have."
I thought about it for a moment and decided that meeting with Lisa might be the best way to settle everything as quickly as possible. However, it would get ugly fast if Lisa did anything to upset my kids or Thelma.
"Look, I have to ask Thelma," I said, "but if she agrees, when and where do you want to meet?"
"How about at our house tomorrow morning at ten?"
Thelma wasn't crazy about meeting Lisa. She felt that if I saw them side by side, I'd see how much better Lisa was. I just rolled my eyes and told her that this would be the quickest way to get the divorce rolling and over with.
I drove Thelma and my three kids to my home with Lisa the following day. I could tell that Thelma was totally intimidated by the house and size of the estate. The kids were excited because I told them there was a swimming pool, a game room, and an ice cream bar.
I rang the bell Instead of just walking in as I normally would. I was surprised when Lisa answered the door. During the day, at least three servants were in the house, and they usually answered the door.
"David," Lisa said with a smile, "you don't have to ring the bell to come into your own home."
"I wasn't sure what kind of welcome I'd get," I said meekly.
Lisa introduced us to a heavy-set middle-aged woman who seemed quite pleasant.
"This is Helen," Lisa introduced the nanny. "She's going to take the children out to the pool. We'll sit in the kitchen where you can also keep an eye on them."
Once in the kitchen, Lisa offered us something to drink. I desperately wanted a scotch, but considering why we were here, I asked for a Pepsi. Thelma took a glass of water while Lisa poured herself a glass of wine. I remember thinking that it wasn't fair. If I had known that alcoholic beverages were on the menu, I would have ordered differently.
"Thelma," Lisa began, "David tells me you guys have been together for about eight years?"
"As much as we could," Thelma answered nervously. "David insisted that we only get together when you were on your trips. However, he would stop by frequently for an hour or two to spend time with the kids. He always managed to be at all the kid's functions."
Lisa gave me the strangest look.
"So, you've been happy with David? You don't want to find someone who could be a full-time husband?"
"David is the best man I've ever known," Thelma said with authority. "He's a better sort of husband and father part-time than I believe ninety-five percent of the men would be full-time. So, in answer to your question, I don't want a full-time husband. I want whatever David is willing to give me."
"I see," Lisa said with a tear sliding down her face. She quickly wiped it away and turned to me. "David would mind checking on your kids and let Thelma and me have some privacy."
I looked over at Thelma, and even though she was extremely nervous, she nodded at me.
I was wearing shorts since I had taken the day off, so I kicked my sandals off and dangled my legs in the pool. I watched the kids splashing around and couldn't help but wish that Lisa had wanted kids and hadn't cheated on me.
I glanced back through the kitchen window from time to time. At first, Lisa seemed to be doing all the talking. Then Thelma was talking, and Lisa seemed to be crying. Then they were talking back and forth while Thelma seemed to be writing. Finally, I saw the two women hugging each other as they cried.
Lisa then opened one of the sliders and asked me to come back inside. I was almost afraid to go.
Once inside, I was directed to the chair I had previously occupied. I wondered if alcoholic beverages were still on the menu but decided not to press my luck.
"David," Thelma said as she took my hand, "we've come to an agreement."
"Okay," I said slowly. "Is this something that I'm not going to like?"
"We'll let you decide," Lisa said. "Our agreement is to share you."
Talk about being blindsided. I came over this morning expecting to hammer out the details for Lisa's and my divorce. Now I was told that the two women in my life wanted to share me.
"I don't know about this," I said, sliding my chair back slightly. "Lisa, you cheated on me for almost nine years. And, yes, I cheated on you for almost the same amount of time, but you started it. I don't understand why you don't want to be with Gerard all the time. If you divorce me, you're free to do that."
Lisa started to cry, and Thelma punched my arm.
"Why'd you hit me," I demanded. I was even more confused and getting a little pissed.
"Because Gerard is dead," Thelma said.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I didn't know."
"David, you're right; I cheated on you," Lisa admitted. "Gerard was my first love, and I didn't get over him until I met you. He broke up with me when I told him I didn't want any children. I was crushed by his decision, but I refused to back down. About three years after we were married, I ran into Gerard on one of my trips. His wife had died, and he was devastated. I wanted to be there to help him through his difficult time. He had truly loved Theresa. Anyway, one thing led to another, and we started our affair. Yes, I did love Gerard, but I loved you every bit as much as him, maybe more. At the time of Gerard's massive heart attack, he was pressuring me to divorce you and marry him. I told him that there was no way I was leaving you. I loved you too much. Now, I couldn't stand it if you left me, David. And I know you still love me, even though you've had a family with Thelma. So, you know that it is possible to love two people at the same time. I realize now that I can't have you all the time, but I, like Thelma, want whatever you're willing to give me."
I blew out some air and slumped in my chair. I know this is a wet dream for many guys, but all I saw was the potential nightmare. Everything in my body screamed that two women wanting the same man was a recipe for disaster.
I looked from Lisa to Thelma and then back again. I could see hope and fear in both women's eyes. So, I decided to play stupid.
"How exactly would this work?" I asked.
With that, Thelma pulled out a pad and began reviewing the schedule. The agreement was quite detailed, but the basics were that Lisa would remain in the master bedroom. Thelma and the kids would have the north wing, where there were three bedrooms and two baths. I would stay with Thelma Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights. I would stay with Lisa Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Sunday, I was free to sleep wherever I wanted. Just because I was sleeping with one woman or the other didn't mean that there would be sex all the time. That would be decided between the couples. However, if either woman decided they didn't want to have sex or couldn't have sex, I wasn't allowed to go sleep with the other. There were a lot of other rules, but that was the basic agreement.
I told them I would have to think about it. I was extremely leery about the entire idea. But both women insisted that it was either a sharing arrangement or nothing. I didn't believe that. I was pretty sure that either woman would gladly take me full-time. But then my mind went paranoid. What if they were serious about sharing or nothing? Would I be risking losing both women? Anyway, I had to take a trip the following day, so I told them I'd give them my answer when I got back.
I was surprised that I could work so effectively with this monumental change in my life looming over my head. But after I wrapped up the contract with Stellar Enterprises and was flying home, I realized why I had been able to work on this trip. I had already made up my mind. I accepted the deal.
Thelma went back to her brother to draw up this new agreement. His eyes bugged out of his head when Thelma told him what it was all about.
After Thelma finished explaining the deal, his first comment was, "Fuck me with a crooked stick! David, I hate you with my entire being." Of course, I knew he was kidding, so I kidded him back.
"You could still get a mistress of your own," I offered and promptly got a smack from Thelma.
"I wouldn't dare," Tim admitted. "Not only would Gloria cut my balls off, but she'd make me eat them."
The agreement seemed to be working well until almost seven months in. I can't say that my sex life is that much busier. However, it is more consistent. I have sex at least three times a week. But there are times when it's four or five.
Since there was a nanny to watch the kids, Thelma returned to work at my office. At first, Lisa was a little putout, but she fixed the situation to her satisfaction. Lisa hired Thelma away from me with a higher salary and better benefits. Now Thelma works for Lisa and seems quite happy.
About a week before the seventh month, the two women grabbed me as I got home from work. They explained that there was a problem with the agreement, and it needed to be amended. In my mind, I'm going, "Oh Lord, what now. Can my life get any more fucked up? The answer was yes."
Sitting me down at the dining room table, Lisa immediately explained the problem. "David, I want to have a baby."
I know it's redundant to say I was confused, but by now, all of you understand this is my usual state of mind living with these two women. If I was to guess for a thousand years as to what they wanted to talk to me about, I never would have guessed that it would be that Lisa wanted to have a baby.
"I know I said I didn't want children," Lisa said quietly. "But I see how much fun you have with your kids. And I see how much they love you and how much you love them. I want that feeling also."
So, what was I supposed to say? All I could think was, "Okay." I guess that was the correct answer because both women squealed in happiness, hugging and kissing me. But then Lisa tossed in the kicker.
"Also, David, Thelma, and I have been discussing it, and we agree that I shouldn't be married to you."
Now I was in panic mode. It sounded like these two women wanted me to get Lisa pregnant, and then they planned to kick me to the curb. I knew they had become close, but I never expected them to fall for each other and want to get rid of me.
"Let me see if I've got this right," I said, looking at Lisa. "You want me to get you pregnant, and then you both will kick me to the curb. I don't think I want to be part of that. If you want to get rid of me, just say so, and I'll leave peacefully. However, if you guys think you're going to cut me off from my kids, I'll fight you tooth and nail."
"What!" Thelma's voice went up three octaves.
"No, no, no, David, you've got it all wrong," Lisa said in a rush as her face flushed red. "This is my fault; I didn't explain it right."
"David, we don't want to get rid of you," Thelma said as she rushed to hug me. "I love you with all my soul. It would crush me if you left."
"David, I feel the same," Lisa had tears flowing down her cheeks.
"Well, then, I haven't got the foggiest notion of what you two are talking about," I said with exasperation. "I need a drink." I didn't care if it wasn't on the menu.
"I think we all should have a drink," Lisa said as she took my hand. "Once we're all calm again, I'll try to better explain what we want to do. But, David, I want you to understand that we will respect your decision whatever it is."
"Okay, Lisa," I said after I finished my first scotch, "explain to me about the baby first. Are you sure that you want a child? This is a radical change for you."
Of all the things those women discussed before our arrangement, having another baby wasn't one of them. But after seeing all the fun Thelma and I had with our kids, it must have begun to stir Lisa's biological clock. After a while, the desire to have a child of her own became overwhelming. This new wrinkle necessitated modifying the agreement to allow Lisa to have me more often, especially when she thought she might be fertile. I thought Tim would choke to death when we told him the latest modification we needed. He kept telling me how much he hated me until I reminded him what it was like with a newborn.
It took four months, but eventually, Lisa got pregnant and delivered a beautiful little girl, Charlotte. She has her mother's eyes and my smile. Thelma and the kids adore her.
As to the suggested divorce, it was another chapter in my crazy married life. When Lisa was talking about not being married to me, it was just another part of the craziness in our ever-changing agreement.
Specifically, Lisa wasn't talking about us getting a divorce right away, nor was she wasn't talking about us staying divorced. In one of their many discussions, Thelma commented that she worried her kids would face the stigma of being born out of wedlock. Lisa agreed with her and proposed a solution. Remember, Lisa has a ton of money, and money can buy you just about anything. The new agreement called for me to divorce Lisa after our child was born. Then I was to marry Thelma, but Lisa was going to have the paperwork changed to show that we were married during the time when our kids were born. Then Thelma and I would divorce, and I would marry Lisa again. If you're confused, think about how I feel.
Some of you, no doubt, are thinking about the money part of the prenup. To be truthful, it never occurred to me, but it did to Lisa. She had the agreement written so that the change in status didn't negate the original agreement. But by then, I didn't care about the money. I was assured of at least five million dollars under the original agreement. And over the years, I had invested wisely and had accumulated another six million dollars. Still, it was heartwarming to know that Lisa was looking out for my interests.
Shortly after Charlotte was born, I signed the divorce papers and married Thelma. I don't know how Lisa did it, but she had the marriage license, and the records changed to reflect my supposed marriage to Thelma. I asked Lisa why she didn't just have the records changed without the marriage ceremony. I was told it was a women's thing, so I shut up about it.
I stayed married to Thelma for a year then divorced and married Lisa again. After another year, I divorced Lisa and married Thelma. Don't ask me to explain why; they simply told me that they each liked being officially married to me.
The only downside of Lisa having a child was that Lisa's parents now wanted to visit more often to see their newest grandchild. That put a real kink in our living arrangement, and I was pretty sure that Lisa's parents weren't buying the story Lisa was feeding them about keeping her administrative assistant close at hand. Also, I would catch them looking at me when they didn't think I'd notice. Lisa's mother had a look of admiration, and her father looked at me with pure envy.
You're probably wondering what the kids thought about this blended family. They obviously wouldn't think anything about it while they were young. But as they got older, they would be told that their mothers were very good friends, and I had been married to each of them at different times. They would leave the rest rather vague. When the kids become teenagers, I have no doubt they will figure out that ours is not a normal family.
Tim calls me about every other month to get an update. I think he lives vicariously through me. I know the entire situation is totally screwed up, but I love my kids and my wives. Thank God we have enough money to make it all work.
As I said at the beginning, my life is totally fucked up, but it's fucked up in a really good way.
